Friday, March 31, 2006


hmmm.... this afternoon, suddenly prambors Bandung played this song...
it actually reminded me about my crush... he's absolutely out of my reach...

Gabrielle - Out of Reach

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you
But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

ohh... shit... the lyrics are soooo fuckin' true!!!! my crush and I were never meat to be!!! well, at least from his point of view.... I'm sooooo not a girl of his dream...

well... Ne-Yo said,
I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears.
So done with wishing you were still here
and I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow...
Leave me alone.... stupid love songs.... don't make me think about HIS SMILE!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

would u do me a favour?


I've written a quiz 'How well do you know Aliendheasja?' on Bebo. Click below to answer the questions and see how well you do:


some refreshment.....

Why guys like girls: (These are what guys said!)
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the caller ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!
23. The way they say "I miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25.The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore

I got this from Britanny Lothian.... aren't those so sweet....???
Soldier's Kiss

Sunday, March 26, 2006

I'm confused!!! Fuckin' confused!!!

well, here's the thing...
I'm confused!!! I wrote here before that I really wanna go abroad for university....
but what happened in my family is my parents don't allow me to go and I don't understand why. becoz they have money to pay for it... my mom said that she's afraid that I'm not ready yet...
guess what??? my dad came to me and he said, "if u really wanna go abroad, it's okay... I'm gonna pay for it, so you can go abroad..."
but then, my mom came to me and said, "I still don't think that going abroad for university is a good idea. I think u're not that ready mentally. university is a four years study, it's a really long time..."
so, can u understand now why I'm confused???
my dad allows me to go abroad, while my mom doesn't.

well, to make things even more clear, I'm gonna explain about how ppl can go to university in Indonesia...
when u are in gr.12 in senior highschool, one big exam is waiting for u at the end of the school year... this exam called Ujian Akhir Nasional or UAN for short. gr.12 students have to pass UAN to get a diploma. gr.12 students also need a diploma to go to university.
but, it's not that simple to go to university. To actually study in a university, u have to pass several different tests.

to go to a private university, u have to do a test that is held by the private university itself. So it's kinda like an independent test that is made by the university itself.
But lemme tell u sumthin', a private university in Indonesia is not a favourite place to go.
why? because many people said that the quality of a private university is not good, or it's not as good as a government university. eventhough there's this one private university in BAndung-my city- called Parahyangan University that has architecture as one of its faculty and it is the best in South East Asia. So, it is bullshit if ppl still say that all private universities are not as good as a government's one, u just have to pick and choose.
why? because a private university is really-really-really expensive! if ur parents can afford paying ur tuition fee at a private university, that means ur parents can afford paying ur tuition fee in a university abroad, which is a thousand times better.
why? because when u graduate from a private university and u wanna apply for a job, the HRD department from a company will first look at a person who graduated from a government university, you're just a second opinion.
that are some of the reasons....
so basically, if u wanna go to a private university, u have to pass a test, but the test is easy, most ppl said that the test in my school is way harder than a private university test. as long as u can pay, u can be accepted in a private university.

As I said before, not very many people wanna go to a private university because some of the reasons I mentioned. therefore, many people choose to go to a government university.
why? basically because the opposite of why ppl don't wanna go to a private university. It's cheaper... u're the first that the HRD department of a company choose when u apply for a job when u graduated from a government university... and u fell more proud to go to a governmet university than to a private one...
so, to go to a government university, u have to pass one huge exam. This exam is even bigger that the first one that I mentioned, UAN. the exam now is called Sistem Penerimaan Mahasiswa Baru or SPMB for short. this exam is held for 2 days and usually at the begining of July or at the end of June.
why is this exams sounds really scary? because you are going to face 25 Qs of basic math, 25 Qs of Bahasa Indonesia, and 25 Qs of English in 3 hours for the first day. because you are going to face 15 Qs of advance math, 15 Qs of biology, 15 Qs of Physics, 15 Qs of Chemistry, and 15 Qs of advance science in 3 hours, if u take science as a major. I'm not sure what u're gonna face if u take social as ur major, but I believe it's gonna be a whole lot harder than the science one. try to imagine how many things u have to remember in ur brain!!!
why? becoz when u take this exam, it seems like all ur future is being decided in those two days!!! the thing is, this SPMB test kinda like the gate to ur future. When ur parents don't have all the money in the world to pay u for a private university, the only way to get educated is to go to a government university. in Indonesia the parents are the one who pay their kids' universities' tuition fees. It's uncommon for kids to work here, so the kids are dependent to their parents. and it's also uncommon for kids not going for university after their highschool. it's uncommon for kids to travel around the world for one year and come back the next year to go to uniiversity afterwards. the common thing to do is after u finish ur highschool, u go to university. If u smart and lucky enough, u go to a government university... that's it!
why is this test sound really scary again??? because there are like 500000 highschool graduans that take this test every year and ONLY about 5000 (or less) that pass. so ur chance is only like 1:100... REALLY-REALLY SMALL!!! so yeahhh... it's scary!!!

but the thing is, nowadays even the government university needs money. The government actually subtract their donation to every government university in Indonesia. so the universities need to find a way to get money by themselves. with this situation, some different government universities held different exams for highschools graduans. they have different name for this test... some called it Ujian Masuk or UM for short, some called it Ujian Saringan Masuk or USM for short. but, besides the test, u also have to pay lots of money to get accepted.
there are pros and cons for these kinds of test. the pros and cons mostly come from the alumni. in cons, some alumni said that the kids who enter the universities by UM or USM are not as smart as the the kids who pass SPMB. some said that kids who take UM or USM only becoz they can pay the entrance fee, but they're not smart at all.
in pros, some said that what cons said is bullshit because USM or UM test is waaaaayyyy harder than SPMB. kids who get in by USM or UM are more selected than SPMB. Plus there are no guarantee that you are in ur best condition when u do the SPMB test, so with UM or USM you can have a plan B if u failed.

oh well... that is what ppl think.... and all of the above are some ways to get in to universities. and lemme remind u, if u a highschool graduans and u decided not going for a university, ppl are gonna think u're insane, and ur parents would be more than embarrace!!!

funny thing, isn't???? well, at least that's what I think....
look, don't u think it's really boring to have a life like that? since kid, I've been going to school. I went to a kindergarten for 3 yrs, to elementary school for 6 yrs, junior highschool for 3 yrs, and now I'm doing my fourth year of my senior highschool. at the next academic year, I have to be in a college or university. after that, I have to continue my post-graduate study.... and so on, and so on....
it seems like my life is only for school...
it's soooooooooooo boring....
thank God there are lots of great things happen in school.... like great friends... great teachers.... great knowledge...
and thank God I had one year as an exchange student in other country.... I got lots of great experiences... more great friends.... more great teachers... more great knowledge...
see? we can learn soooo many things without taking school... (like, I now Japanese can't say the letter "L" from a Japanese comic).....

hmm... probably u're confused right now by reading my writing...
well, what I'm trying to say is....... I think my reason to go abroad for university is not just me wanting to achieve my dream (London accent....hehehe!), It's all about my future.
I could learn sooooooo many things if I go abroad.... (it's not that I'm gonna learn less if I study here...)and I could get the plus+plus.... The experiences!!! the experiences of me struggling in other people's country, starting from zero, without anyone I knew before.... It's a huge step to take, but yet it's learning how to life in the real world too...
like here, I live with all of my parents money... I'm such a big baby because all I gotta do is ask for something that I want... I wanna be independent too....
plus... we're getting closer to the globalization era... where ppl from other country can come and apply any job that they want in Indonesia. and if all companies in Indonesia are sane, they would look at international workers who graduated from international universities first than a local graduans.... they're more loyal, more professional, more open-minded, with more experience, and used to practice their knowledge...
don't even let me write about the facilities.... I'm gonna cry(hahaha! I'm so hyperbolic...). I mean, u can't even dream about it!!! well, then let me tell u lil bit of that...
I was in a province called Saskatchewan when I was in Canada last year. I lived in a city called Regina which has one university that is called University of Regina, or U of R for short. U of R is not a top 5 most favourite university in Canada, but the facilities are aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhmazing! U of R has many faculties u can choose. It has different types of engineering, science, arts, etc. It has different labs for different engineering class, like water labs, computer labs, electrical labs, chemistry labs... in all labs u can use a wireless internet connection... it's clean... it's completed with all equipment u need and they change the equipment for once in a few years..... it's just cool....
It also has huge gym... in Indonesia it's probably a little bit smaller than the Plennary Hall(JCC) besides several smaller old gym, and it has an indoor running tracks, many treadmills which u can watch a dvd while u're running on that treadmill, swimming pools, fitness center...
Not to mention the library... hundreds of free-viruses computers, thousands of books, some sofa to discuss stuff...
and the teachers or lectures as a teacher in university called. they are nice... they are there to help you, they are professionals! they actually come to class and teach u something. if they can't come to the class and the class is cancel for that day, u get ur money back...
oh... I think that's enough... I'm gonna tell u only a little bit, rite? plus, I can't tell u more... it just makes me wanna go to university abroad even more!!!
do I have to compare it to Indonesian universities??? I'm not sure... Like the best university in Indonesia which is an Institute of technology doesn't have labs that are as good as the U of R. even the toilets! U of R toilets are waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cleaner than any universities in Indonesia! One funny thing someone told me once was like this, "Alien, kalo mau milih jurusan di ITB, jangan milih jurusan yang banyak praktikumnya... lama lulusnya..." in English it would be, "Alien, if u wanna go to ITB, don't choose a major that has lots of work in the labs... it will make u hard to graduate..." I think that's really funny... because I thought in University we're supposed to learn how to apply our knowledge into reality and working in a lab is one way to do that... so, If I take a major with the less lab works, what do i learn in university???? remembering formulas? how Einstein can think about the nuclear energy?counting forces of number of cars that a bridge can hold without practice it? funny!
and remember, U of R is not the top 5 u
niversity in Canada. It's just a normal university. can u imagine how great University of British Columbia or University of Toronto or SFU which are in the top 5 university in Canada? or imagine Oxford University in Oxford, UK (great architechture, believe me!!!)? or imagine University of New South Wales in Australia? or imagine Harvard University or Yale University or Stanford University or MIT in the US???? can u imagine how good they are??? I can't... even though I've been to some of them...
they're just.... great....

so, I don't understand why I'm not allowed to go abroad for university.... it's not becoz of the money, my dad told me that.... and I can probably pay half of my tuition fee by the time I get a part time job it becoz i'm still childish sometimes? am I still like a baby???
I just don't get it...
probably the thing about being far from my family scares me.... but that is nothing... it's kinda like if I scare with being far from my family scares me now, but I'm scared about my future too and my scary future scares me even more. What if I don't pass the SPMB test? am I gonna kill myself? what if I pass the SPMB test but then I can't have good marks while I'm in the University? what if I'm not smart enough to compete in a globalization era? what if it take me 6 years to complete my bachelor degree? what if I don't get a job after university because I'm not qualified? and the other 'what if thing'....

I really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really wanna go abroad for university!!!!