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Sunday, February 19, 2006

I'm blessed!!! I'M BLESSED!!!!!

I decided to finally finish this writing... It took me a very long time to finish this one... I don't know why...

Okay... about my last two postings...
I have many stories to telll...
so, that day, when I was really upset, I was really angry as hell. I never thought that I could actually feel that huge anger.
After I wrote down all my anger in this blog, I asked my mom to call me. I just felt that I need to talk to my mom about all that. and guess what? I was crying as I told the story to my mom!!!
I felt that I was such a freak!!!
Crying 1
I mean, I was crying! and I hate to cry! I really do!
When my mom phone, I was in the middle of my recess on my extra lesson classes. So when my mom phoned and I cried, all of my friends who were with me in that extra lesson class saw me. I was kinda embarrased that day, but hell, I didn't even think about that. I was really angry to my teacher that I don't even care about ppl who were watching me crying.
I was such a freak, wasn't I?

the thing about crying is, I'm not a sensitive person, therefore there are only few situation that can force me to cry. and I never let go that tears go down easily. So far, I can cry for only three reasons: first, when I miss my family (my momm, dad, and sister). second, is when I was blame of some mistakes that I never actually do it. third, when I actually do some mistakes and I'm brave enough to admit it. Those are three situations that can make me cry, as far as I remember despite the other situations when I was a little child. I never cry becoz of boys or something as silly as that.

so, that time I cried becoz of a situation that didn't go as I plan and it wasn't becoz of me. it wasn't my mistake that my teacher lost the form... it wasn't my mistake that I didin't have enough time to apply for the scholarship to UBC... and I was really angry...
I really wanted to go abroad for university and when I had a chance to get a scholarship, my teacher just blew it off. I was really angry as hell that day...
Even when I was at home after my extra lessons, I was still angry. Before I slept, I had thought about what I was gonna do to that teacher. I was really angry to him.
I cried when I was praying... I asked Allah to show a best way for me. Probably Canada isn't a good place for me for university. Probably Allah will love me even more when I stay in Indonesia for my university. probably Allah has another plan for me. Probably what Allah gives me is what I actually need, not what I want...
While I was praying, I asked Allah... How could I feel such huge anger? I never knew it before... I asked Allah to help me... I hated the feeling... that feeling of huge anger... but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to forgive and forget that teacher...

Miraculously, I finally fell asleep. I couldn't remember how I could fall asleep. but I did fell asleep.
at 3 am, my alarm clock rang. I got up. Well, I usually got up around that time to pray or recite Al-Qur'an and study... and usually, it's kinda hard for me to wake up. There are usually lots of devils within myself which make me late. but on that day, that very morning, I got up easily. I sat down on my bed and got confused. I tried to remember what was happening last night... and I could. So I didn't forget about what happened the day before and it was good enough for me. it means that I'm fine. But then when I remember what has happened, I was confused. I did remember that my teacher lost the form for scholarship to UBC. I remember that I was crying the day before. I remember that I was really-really-really-really angry to my teacher. but guess what???
I forgot what it felt to have huge anger... I forgot how I could hate my teacher. Well, I still hate that teacher... but I forgot that I actually had a very huge anger the day before... my emotion was stable at that time... I even felt more like free, satisfy... I wasn't happy... but I actually felt good...
weird?! confusing???!! unbelievable???!!! hell, yeah!!!
it was more that I could've imagine!
I mean how the hell that could happen????!!!

well, I could literally smile at that time... I pray, of course... I thank God for all that I fell....
I realized that Allah was The One who created me... Allah was The One who is in control of myself, of my heart... Allah actually can do anything to me... it included turning my heart upside down, one time I was angry and another time I felt good...
Miracle... that was what I thought...
I was so thankful.....

So when I was at school that day... I told my stories to two friends of mine... They're kinda close to me... Both of them know my problem with this teacher... so we're good...
guess what they said to me....??? "Alien... subhanallah, kamu berarti disayang banget ama Allah..." in English that would mean... "Alien... that means Allah really-really-really-really-really loves you..."
yeah!!! It opened my eyes, literally.... I know that Allah really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really-really... loves me...

Allah loves me more than anyone else ever love me for my whole life!!!
That was the greatest thing I've ever realized in my life....







agak nyambung ama postingku yg sebelumnya...

well, remember my last posting??? this story has some kinda connection to it... read on, guys...! enjoy!

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,"Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,"Measure, do your stuff."Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff." CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sickleave!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

PLEASE READ!!!

Okay, these are the reasons why I never wanted to go to any government's school:
1. It wasn't that I'm not a thankful person or something... but, so far, government school that I went and go to are FUCKED UP!!! To be honest with you, GOVERMENT'S SCHOOLS ARE JUST AS FUCKED UP AS THE GOVERMENT ITSELF!!!
2. Everyone who supposed to give services to students never really do anything!!! Some of the teachers maybe DO SOMETHING, but most of them just DON'T WANNA DO ANYTHING!!! It's not just teachers, it's also all of the administration staff members. THEY DON'T WANNA WORK, BUT THEY WANNA BE PAYED!!! I got one funny story: When I was in Canada, I was really close with my teachers and almost all of the administration staff members, including the secretaries. One of the secretary once asked me about the # of student in my school here (in Indonesia). I answered about 1200 students. She said, "Oh, Lord, I wouldn't wanna be a secretary in ur school." I ALMOST LAUGH! honestly, anyone would b thankful to work as a secretary in my school. why? BECAUSE THE SECRETARY DOESN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING!!! I mean, is there a ny secretary in my school? who is the secretary work for? what are his/her job???? THE SYSTEM IS JUST ALL FUCKED UP!!!
3. Everyone who suposed to give services to students NEVER LISTEN ro the students! I mean, it doesn't matter how hard u scream, they just won't hear you!!! for example, there's this one teacher in my school that is really fucked up. It's really seldom that he comes to classes. which means, HE ACTUALLY DOESN'T WANNA WORK HARD TO BE PAYED. But it all doesn't really matter, because when he comes to his class, the students (we) DON'T FUCKIN' LEARN ANYTHING!!! Everytime he comes to class, I was as stupid as before he comes. Whether he comes or not to the class, it doesn't really affect anything. The weird thing is, EVERYONE IN SCHOOL KNOWS THAT HE'S A BAD TEACHER! when I said everyone, it means EVERYONE!! Even his co-worker, another teachers, understand that he's a bad teacher! everyone knows that he can't teach! everyone knows that he's just a joke! BUT NO ONE LISTEN TO THE STUDENTS WHEN WE ASKED FOR A NEW TEACHER!!!
4. My school won't support its students if it doesn't give any profit back to the school.
My school won't support any program, unless THE STUDENTS PAY IT BY THEMSELVES! if school doesn't get any MONEY BACK, my school won't support anything!!!! if my school DOESN'T GET ALL THE POPULARITY AND BECOME FAMOUS becoz of the program, MY SCHOOL WON'T SUPPORT IT. crazy, eh????
5. They also don't suport you when it's outside of the academic stuff. It's true!!! Can u imagine haw sad it is???!!! I remember about one story, when I was in gr. 10. One of my friend was absent and the teacher asked where she was. She actually got a dispensation for a softball match in Jakarta, but guess what my teacher said at that time, "SMA 3 (that's my school's name) actually doesn't really support you if u're good at sport. SMA 3 supports ppl who are good in academics more that anything else."
Well, it wasn't the exact words that my teacher said, but u kinda get the idea. I mean, how can u think such a thing????!!! NOT EVERYONE IS GOOD IN ACADEMIC!!!

actually I wrote all this because I was very dissapointed, I was really upset. NO! I AM DISSAPOINTED AND UPSET to my school, especially to one of the teacher in my school. The thing is, I really wanna go abroad for my bachelor's degree, but my parents won't let me go. So, I tried to go to many education expo to get as many information as I could about scholarships. I went to the international education expo, Singapore education expo, and the last that I went was Holland Education Expo. But about a week ago I went to the Canadian Education Expo. You know that I was in Canada last year and I love it so much... so I tried to look for any scholarship that they offer. and I found one! University of British Columbia actually give a scholarship to international students. The thing was, only one student from every school in the world can be nominated. I was really excited.
One of my friend was also interested in the idea of scholarship. But the scholarship is very exclusive and the application form is exclusive too. So we (my friend and I) got the scholarship form and we have to give it to the school, because it's only the school who is able to nominate a scholarship receiver candidate. So we gave the form to one of the teacher in my school. I said that they have to make a desicion as fast as they could because the deadline is Feb 28th, 2006. My friend and I gave our transript to that teacher and today we went back to that teacher and he told us that HE LOST THE SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION FORM!!!!
how would u think we fuckin' fell?????
Honestly, I was ready to kill him when I stood there in front of him!!!
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UPSET!!!
the thing was, I almost withdraw my application because I was pessimist with my marks. I was also pessimist becoz I know my parents won't let me. But then I thought about it again, and it was nothing to lose, really... so I tried. If UBC reject me, I'm not gonna be that upset, coz I tried my best.
guess what now???? THE APPLICATION FORM IS LOST!!!! THAT TEACHER HAS JUST DESTROY MY DREAMS, MY HOPES!!!
I FUCKIN' HATE HIM!!!
I tell u one truth, IF HE DIDN'T SAY SORRY, I WAS SOOO READY TO KILL HIM AND HIS HOPES!!!
thank God he did say "sorry", but I knew he never really meant it. becoz I knew that HE NEVER REALLY CARES!!!

Oh I FUCKIN' HATE HIM!!!!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

I got another cool e-mail from one of my friends, Jo... of course I edit some stuff...
read it up... it's kinda cool.... enjoy!
thx, jo!

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
SEVEN. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
EIGHT. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
NINE. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TEN. Talk slowly but think quickly.
ELEVEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
TWELVE. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
THIRTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
FOURTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SIXTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
SEVENTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
EIGHTEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
NINETEEN. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY. Spend some time alone.

the writings on red are some stuff that I like...
what do u think...?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What has happened to me today...

Yeah... I feel like I had lots of stuff going on today.
When I got to school, I right away got an uneasy feeling... probably it's only becoz of the chemistry exam that I had in the first period... And actually, I wasn't really worry about that... I studied, there was some parts that I didn't understand... but I guess that was all normal.
few minutes before the bel rang, I kinda listened to two of my friends who were talking about their own prblems... I didn't really listen what were they talking about. I didn't really care... But ya, I did listen to some words...
But the thing wasn't just me eardropping my friends, more than that. Well, my two friends who talked was actually a girl and a boy. And the real situation was that boy was telling her (my girl-friend) about his past lover... his past relationship.
The thing that made me shocked was my friend's-the boy's-body language was kinda unique. Why? because as he told his story, I can feel the emotion. He tried really hard to blend his emotion with his story, ot he just was just like that. That was his personality to tell a story with full of emotion. When he was full of emotion, I was once thought that he would cry right then and there. But, he was pretty stong-well, kind of... So he didn't cry...
The other thing that made me shocked was his story. His story was about his past relationship with a girl. He told us about almost everything that happened b/w him and his past gf. He told us how she put lots of hope on him and he really appreciated it. The unique thing was when he told us about his dreams. in his mind, he already dream about his future family. What his wife is gonna be, how he will lead his family, how he will teach his children ans that sort of stuff.
I said that it was unique becoz all that dream came from a boy. I mean, I never heard such dream came from a boy's mouth before. I knew that girls plan their wedding and their children's names since we were in kindergarten and stuff, but boys??? as far as I knew, boys don't plan their future the way girls do. I mean, it's not that boys don't think about their future, it's just they not dream about it. They don't go as details as girls... got what I mean?
And when I heard his stories... his dreams... I was shocked! And when I took time to predict his emotion, I'm sure that he's gonna break down and cry... I was almost ready to calm him down... I mean, he was once really upset and broken heart and he was telling us his stories, not the way boy usually does. He even said that, "when she broke up with me, she destroed all my dreams, like a huge wave destroys a sand castle..." and I really thought that he was gonna cry!!!
hahaha! thank God that he didn't... (peace, bro!)
well, I guess I learned someting new everyday, eh?
Probably boys do dream about their future just as details as girls... they just don't show it that much... hmmm.... honestly, I'm really interested in this subject... if any other boy's reading my writing right now, would u like to take a moment and give comment to what I just wrote???
Do u dream about ur future? do u plan ur future? do u have a picture of urself doing ur dream job with good payment? do u dream about ur wife? do u dream about ur kids? do u dream about how would u teach ur family? do u like to dream about it???