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Sunday, October 30, 2005

an ADULT?

It feels weird when everyone treat you like an adult... especially your parents....
At least, that's how I feel.
My parents actually treat me like an adult, after all.
They asked me what I think about stuff they have to decide...
They asked me what I feel.
They allow me to choose what I want, do what I wanna do.
They trust me.
That is really important.
It feels great. I remember when I was a kid, I always wanted to b treated like an adult. And I always get mad when I was treated like a kid, coz I always felt that I'm old enough to b an adult. (funny how kid thinks, eh?)
But, y'know, a person-like me-never feel satisfy. never.
whatever happens to a person-like me-his/her will never feel that it's enough. There must be a negative thinking along with positive thinking.
And, as I am only an ordinary person, there's another side of this being-treated-like-an-adult-thing.
I feel that my parents don't baby me anymore... and I kinda miss it...
My parents don't ask me details stuff coz they really trust me... and I really miss it...
They don't phone me that often...
they just treat me like an adult....
and I miss being treated like a kid...
well, I guess "I'm just an ordinary people, I don't know which way to go..."

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Bingung - Confusing

It confuses me... is this languange problem reallly important?
Some of my friends outside Indonesia sent me some e-mails, protested me becoz they didn't understand what I wrote in Bahasa Indonesia...
Some of my friends in Indonesia protested me coz I prefer English to Indonesia to write on my blog. One of them even said to me: "Alien, be proud of Bahasa Indonesia!"
I'm confused, my friend!
oh well... this is actually my blog and I can do anything that I want with it, can't I? I can write what I want in it, can't I? I can use whatever languange I feel like, can't I?
It reminds me... eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn...
hahaha! look, Lisa! I still remember ur Germans!

nih... diartiin deh dlm Bahasa Indonesia...
Ngebingungin aku nih... Emangnya masalah bahasa ini penting ya?
Temen2ku dilar Indonesia ngirimin aku email, mereka protes soalnya gak ngerti tulisan aku yang pake bahasa Indonesia...
Temen2ku yang laen protes ke aku gara2 aku lebih suka nulis pake bahasa Inggris drpd Bahasa Indonesia di blogku. Salah satu temenku bahkan bilang: "Alien, cintailah Bahasa Indonesia!"
Temen2, aku bingung!
Ya biarin deh... ini kan blogku... aku hasrusnya bisa ngelakuin apa yg aku pengenin disini kan? Aku bisa nulis apa aja yang pengen aku tulis kan? Aku boleh pake bahasa apapun yg aku inginkan, kan?
jadi keinget, satu ampe sepuluh dlm bahasa Jerman...
hahaha! aku gak lupa tuh bahasa Jerman yang udah diajarin lisa...

Monday, October 24, 2005

suka malu....(bahasa Indonesia lagi)

Aku suka malu kadang-kadang. well, it's not that I LIKE being embarased, but I often feel embarased... Yah... aku sering malu... well, gak sering sih, kadang-kadang...
gini loh... kepikiran aja... aku maluuu banget klo udah bulan Ramadhan... katanya bulan penuh ampunan... bulan penuh berkah, bulan pas pahala tuh diobral habis-habisan... Katanya juga, jangan sampe deh kita di bulan Ramadhan itu cuma dapet capek, haus, ama laper doang... gak guna...
naaaahhh... itulah yang bikin aku malu... well, salah satunya. Katanya bulan Ramadhan, kita harus bisa nahan hawa nafsu... buktinya? BIG ZERO! bulan Ramadhan ma bukan bulan Ramadhan sama aja ah... aku bukan nulis ttg org laen ato pengen nyindir orang laen loh... skarang aku lagi nulis ttg aku aja...
AKU MALU SAMA DIRIKU SENDIRI.
back to the subject... bulan Ramadhan, puasa allright, other than that? nothing!
shalat tetep bolong-bolong... ngaji juga males...malu euy....
hawa nafsu tetep aja gak terkendali. cowok cakep, tetep aja dipelototin. ada orang yang bikin kesel, pasti langsung marah-marah. ada kejadian gak enak, langsung deh nyumpah-nyumpah... ada kejadian rame, langsung deh bergibah...malu!!!
jadi, bedanya bulan Ramadhan ama bulan biasanya apa? kalo bulan Ramadhan puasa, klo bulan laen enggak...
alhamdulillah sih, aku masih dikaruniai rasa malu sama Allah... Aku mulai shalat terus, lima waktu. mulai nyadar diri... trus klo ada orang yang bikin kesel, aku gak tanggepin. ada kejadian gak enak, aku diem, gak nyumpah2... cuma badan aja yang kerja, usaha memperbaiki keadaan, tanpa harus ngeluh... gibahnya masih euy... gimana ya?
yang lucunya, aku malu klo ketauan ngaji.... aneh ya? soalnya klo pada tau aku ngaji pasti langsung di 'adeuh-adeuhin' gitu deh... mana aku orangnya gak tahan banting lagi... di ejek2 dikit aku bisa down banget... blum lagi kesannya klo yang ngaji itu cuma anak2 yg alim doang... ato, ejekan lain yang bilang klo orang2 cuma rajin ngaji pas bulan Ramadhan doang...jadi deh, aku ngaji diem2... susah banget rasanya... aneh ya? klo aku sih sedih...
blum lagi... temen2 cewekku tambah banyak aja yang pake kerudung.... BANYAK! yang pastinya, salah satu temenku itu nanya, 'alien, kapan nyusulnya?' hah?! ku terdiam(tak kulakukan...ooooo-Malique n d'essentials.al).
aku?pake kerudung? beneran? kapan ya? belum ada niatan euy... kenapa?gak tau deh... mungkin aku belum siap aja... belum siap apa? gak tau deh... belum siap aja ninggalin dunia kemaksiatan. belum siap harus jadi anak alim...
menurut aku sih, pake kerudung bebannya berat banget... keinginannya tuh harus bener2 dari dirisendiri, jadi ngejalaninny gak setengah2... kayak banyak temen2ku. pake kerudung karena dipaksa mama/papa, ato dipaksa ama keadaan, jadi ujung2nya mreka setengah2... ahhh... serem!
lebih serem lagi dosanya yag gak pake kerudung katanya...
waduh, jadi gimana dong...?
ya ampuuuuunnnn... aku bingung sendiri nih... ngrasa munafik sendiri aja...
aku tuh udah jelas2 tau klo aku salah, tapi blum mau ngelakuin yg bener...ya ampunnn... kapan ya???
malu euy....

Thursday, October 20, 2005

my first worst mark in english class

okay, I'm soooooooo dissapointed.... really dissapointed...
I got fuckin 6.66 (or 66.6%) on my last english test!!!! I mean I got fucking 6!!! SIX!!! for God's sake!!!
I honestly never got 6 as my english mark!!! never! NEVER EVER!!!!
well, I did got 50% on my English mark on Hamlet when I was in Canada. But it was my FIRST english test in CANADA! in a FOREIGN country with English as the FIRST languange!
I never got FUCKING SIX in INDONESIA!!!! never!!!!
I wanna know where are my misktakes.... what did I do wrong? What the heck has happened to the test? or the answer key? or the computer scanner? or ME?!
But I'm soooo sure-really sure when I did that test... It was a usual test... with reading and fucking grammar... it was kinda easy-I think...
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS????!!!
It's crazy!!! It drives me crazy! fucking crazy!!!
it just makes me down.... waaaaaaaaayyyyyy down!!!!
HELL!!!!
my tablemate said that probably I'm just unfortunate.... FUCK OFF!!! I know i wasn't unfortunate!!! I was sooooo sure I could do that test easily... If I'm unfortunate please show me where it is... I know I tried my best...
oohhh... FUCK!
I feel like killing my fucking english teacher!!!
(hell! I mean i speak english more fluently than her! There's no guarantee that she understood every single english word I said...)
p.s. my other english teacher said: "end that cakes off!" Hell! there's no such thing as 'end that cake off'!!! there's only 'finish that cake off'!!!
Oh my God.... please save me from this fucking life!!!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

u don't know what u got 'till it's gone...

That sentence is soooo true...
u just don't know what u got 'till it's gone...
I don't live with my parents anymore(as most of my friends know). I live and go to school in Bandung and my family lives in Jakarta.
I usually go to Jakarta every weekend... in some rare cases, my family comes to Bandung to visit me.
That saying goodbye time, between me and my family is always the hardest thing to do. always.
Esp. this month is the Ramadhan month... everyone just wants to get together with family... so do I. It doesn't feel good when u have to have ur very-early-breakfast alone... or when u have to break ur fast alone... it feels weird. u can feel like there's something missing.
But I guess, I'm just getting used to it... it's my life, I'd better get used to it or I'd rather don't live... the thing is, this weekend my family came to bandung. They came to visit me. great, it was. I forgot my loneliness, etc... but then, just tonite, one of my friend asked me how I feel about going through Ramadhan alone. I answered it diplomatically ("Fine, I guess u're just get used to it...").
but then, like half an hour ago my family left for Jakarta. I felt that I wanna cry. My friend's question reminded me that I'm gonna b alone again. Crying 1
That reminded me also with my experience in Canada one more time. My life without my family. I remember when I was in Canada there were times when I felt that I had no one to turn to. My family was soooo far away and sometimes my problems weren't worth my familly's worry. So I could ony cry and wished my family were there to help me. But then, I could actually managed my problems.
well, the thing is, when I'm with my family, I never feel that it is long enough. I want more and more and more time with them... and sometimes I feel that I don't use my time with them maximal enough...
and then now, when I'm alone, all I could think is... 'shit! I hate being alone...' without having a more qualitative time with them...
is that 'u don't know what u got' character humany?"







Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I thought I lost him somewhere along the line... but the to tell u the truth is, I think he just wanna make sure that he has his new self right now.
Alright, lemme tell u d'story...
There's this boy that lives in front of my house. We're the same age. We used to go to the same school together, but he graduated highschool right now, successfully entering the best university in Indonesia, while I'm still struggling in freakin' highschool.
So, we used to go to the same school. We used to go to the same extra lessons after school, sometimes together. so we build a friendship.
But I screwed it up. I got a crush on him. (what the hell is goin' on with me, telling the truth to the world?) It's just... I don't know. 'coz he's not handsome or anything, and his body's not a built up one... it's just-I don't know. I guess he's charming enough for me so I just... well, I wrote it down already, I got a crush on him.
And he's nice and all... I mean, in the old times, we used to send each other sms (txt message, for those of u who don't know what sms is). When I came home late, he asked where I had been. From what I understand is I felt that he cared about me. I got a crush on him.
We used to talk a lot too. Eventhough I talked more than he did, but we share stories too. I feel that he knew me and I thought I knew him too (hahaha! that's just what I thought). But we had a great time when we were chatting along. or at least, I had fun.
Well, I'm still having fun when I talk to him until now.
So, I got a crush on him. and I think it's kinda obvious. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel that I'm transparant. It just seems that many ppl, even new ppl that I just met, know what I think, know what I feel. It's scary...
anyway, I think it's obvious that I got a crush on him, and I think he could feel it.
But then, I went to Canada for my exchange year... We practically didn't talk to each other for a year. Honestly, it's so rare for me to even think about him.
My friends kept me up2date with news about him. They said that he became more charming than he used to be. Many girls got crush on him too. I literally laughed at that time. I tought that I was kinda weird to have a crush on someone like him, but then many girls actually felt the same way. I think it's kinda funny.
Finally, my one year in Canada was over. Time for freakin' real life in Indonesia.
When I got back to Indonesia, my friends informed me about 'X'. He changed! he changed extremely. My friends gave me piece by piece of information and I had to complete the puzzle by myself. Honestly, it made me kinda excited when I thought about him.
So, he changed into a really good person. He became more religious than before. Almost all of his friends now are religious. He likes to go to the mosque and everything... he changed.
Well, for me, as a friend I'm so glad that he changes into a better person. Good for him...
But, becoz he became more religious, I felt that he kinda stay away from girls, from me... He was just not his old self anymore. He seemed like he never wanted to meet me if we didn't need each other. We just couldn't talk to each other like we used to.
I am sad. I mean, losing a friend hurts... let alone losing someone that u had a crush on... Since he changed, I didn't really mind about I got a crush on him or not... I just missed him-as a friend. He's a nice guy, he listened when I was talking, and he knew me, I felt that he could actually read my mind.
So, I told him all that... I told him about what I feel (I didn't tell him that I got crush on him... come on, I'm crazy, but not THAT crazy)... I told him that I miss our chat together...
guess what is his respond? NOTHING! really, he didn't say anything after I told him all that... I mean, what the hell I supposed to do? and what the hell is goin' on with him? can he just say something?
and guess what? I am sad. more (or is it sadder?).
Until I got to to one conclusion... he just became more religious. And there's no such thing as make friend with a girl in his life now. He didn't respond becoz he wanted me to know that he changed. he's a religious person now...
well, I'm still sad about that. but I kinda understood his way of thinking now. and if I wanna b a good friend for him, I should've understand him, shouldn't I? and I was just trying to as easygoing as I can b-I guess.
And then, tonite was a funny night. How come X always becomes sooo charming when I just decided to forget about him?
Tonite I went to the mosque and did tarawih pray. X's mom and some other women asked me to chat with them. X's mom was like: "what do u want? I believe X can help u with that..." I felt sooo funny.
anyway, they're doing some books sale in the mosque, so I took a look around the book. Tonite, I saw X after the prayer. I said that there's one book that I like, but it's so expensive. guess what X said to me? "I know, u mean that 'A' book, isn't it?" And it's true, I really like that 'A' book. I believe that it's a really interesting book. and X actually KNOWS that I like that book, even before I MENTION THE TITLE!!! it's crazy! he absolutely KNOWS me that much!
The other time, X's mom asked me where I wanna go for university and what I wanna take as my major... I said that I'm not sure. I said that if I have three chance to choose, I'm only sure about my third choice, which is... "Psychology in University of Indonesia" said X at that time, RIGHT AWAY. and he smiled away.
He just left me with the big question: "How come he knows about me?"
After tonite, I can't wait for tomorrow. I definitely need to talk to my friend about this. He scares me. Do I have what I want written on my forehead???
plus, he wore a t-shirt that I gave for him!!! hahaha! (OMFG, whatthehellisgoingonwithme??? or whatthehellisgoingonwiththisboy???)
Boys are unbelievable!
Wink








Monday, October 10, 2005

Hahaha! pengen mulis pake bahasa Indonesia lagi... soalnya pengen curhat beneran....
hari pertama tarawehan lagi di mesjid!!! setelah sekian lama aku gak taraweh berjamaah... akhirnya, alhamdulillah hari ini kesampean juga... seneng banget... beneran deh... bukannya mo sok alim ato apa... tapi suasananya beda aja... walopun panasnya tak tertahankan juga, yah di tahan2in aja deh... Smile
hahaha! belum lagi skarang dah bisa masukin smileys... senang!!!
tapi, jadi mikir juga klo ngeliat orang2 taraweh... hmm... anak2 sih sebenernya... kalo di mesjid tuh, banyaaaaakkk banget anak2 yg tarawehnya sebenernya gak taraweh... bingung ya? maksudnya gini: anak2 tuh pd dtg ke mesjid bwt shalat Isya, dengerin dan nulis(ato nyontek ceramah), trus abis itu nongkrong d di mesjid. g ikutan shalat tarawehnya. malah ngobrol ato bikin ribut juga biasanya... skali lagi, bukannya aku pengen sok alim ato apa... tapi, bener2 deh... anak2 itu kalo g disuruh nulis ceramah, pasti gak dtg ke mesjid deh...
tapi, kalo diliat dari sisi posotifnya, bagus jg sih... buat latian anak2 gt... aku juga waktu sd kecil2 juga kyk gt sih... untungnya, setelah aku mulai gede aku mulai ngerti...
alhamdulillahnya lagi, karena aku ngerti, aku bisa ngejelasin ke adek aku byar dya ikutan taraweh... awalnya sih, waktu adekku msh kecillll banget, dya juga kyk gt. malah, dtg ke mesjid bwt tidur.
Pas adekku klas empat-limaan, aku ngasi tau dya... kita tuh dtg ke mesjid di bln ramadha tujuannya bwt taraweh... taraweh itu, rakaat minimalnya 8 ditambah 3 rakaat shalat witir... pas adekku males, aku bilang aja: "dek, rakaat shalat taraweh itu minimalnya segini... kalo kita gak bisa ngejalanin yg minimalnya, gmn mo ngejalanin yg lbh dr minimal?"
sok filsuf ya? tapi gak sok alim loh... dibilangin aku cuma pengen curhat aja...
jadi, ya... cuma mo bilang aja... taraweh tuh rame ya... smoga orang2 dan aku juga, tambah rajin tarawehnya...
p.s. bwt nana, klo pas lg baca: maaf, g bisa ngebantuin pk bhs inggris... soalnya lg pgn curhat bgt euy... lg seneng bgt soalnya...
t'akhir... Hello






Sunday, October 09, 2005

It's the bilingual edition! hahaha! Edisi dua bahasa nih... = Indo...(Eng...)
Cuma mo bilang makasih buat temen2 yg dah nyempetin bwt ngunjungin blogku... (I just wanna say thanks for my friends that had a time to visit my blog...), Walaupun kalian blum nulis komen...(Eventough u haven't post any comment...)
Pokoknya klo kapan2 maen2 lagi ke bloggerku...(well, if u have another chance to visit my blog again next time...) Aku bakalan seneng banget d... (I really appreciate it...) apalagi klo kalian kasih komen ttg tulisan2ku...(if u post a comments, I'm gonna b happier about that...)
Makasih ya... (Thanks a bunch....)
My mom reminds me about something...
If it comes to time to eat out, my family usually confuse which place to go. It takes so much time to think about it. 'Should we go to this cafe? but that restaurant just opened yesterday... so, where should we go?'
and my mom usually does something. So we drive past one new place to eat, if there are many people in that place, my mom will say that the place's foods must be delicious. But if there's not so many people in that place, my mom will say that the food must be bad...
so, in my mom's opinion good place to eat is when there are good number of people eat there.
typical, isn't it?
y'know, when people think a better thing cost more expensive. So when it's good, it's gonna b more expensive.
Well, it turns out that my mom's philosophy about a good place to eat isn't always true.
There's this (well, lemme just say d'products, without saying the brand) one food kiosk that sells satay. many-MANY-people go there, they grill loads of meat at once, and all these kinds of cars park around it. It's soooo famous among people too. So, my family and I went there, bought some satay for take out. When we got home, we were so excited to eat them. guess what it turned out? It didn't taste good. My family didn't like it. at all. we never go back to buy those satay anymore. ever!
see? many people in one restaurant doesn't proof that the restaurant has delicious foods.
the thing is, what many people think isn't always right... what's typical can't always b true forever... we kinda have to have a will to try new things... and being brave... and willing to pick and choose what's the best for us, now...
hahaha! I'm not sure if I write a right thing... or if there's a parallel meaning in it... or if other people will understand what I just wrote... I don't know...
and hell... screw people! I just write I wanna write...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

There's this-well, kinda-new phenomenon in Indonesia (again?)...
People make these Indonesian movies. They're good. Well, they're not as good as the Hollywood's ones, coz they can't really afford this special effect thingy and stuff... but they're still good. They have this original idea and these typical Indonesian's problems and all that... When those movie people made their first movie (well, it's kinda first Indonesian movie after all these years), it was soooo famous. Many people went to the cinema to watch it, there were very-very long lines in every cinema which played that movie. So, all those movie goers weren't satisfy (well, as we knew it before-together-people are never feel satisfy with what they got) with the movie. No offense, the movie was all good and stuff. but the viewers wanted more. a whole lot more!
They want to know what's gonna happen with all the characters and the story... so, the producer decided to create a soap opera that continue the story from the movie.
When one movie did this, I was still kinda excited. honestly, I wanted to know what's the story gonna be like in the soap opera. But I was disapointed. The soap opera was too long, waaaayyy too long. It made me feel so bored!
And then not only one movie did this, almost all other movie do-or wanna do-the same thing. well, people... isn't anybody gonna feel sick about this? I mean, please!!!!
I always think that every movie secuel are bad. In my opinion, secuel is just one of those capitals' way to have more money and that's it! it's just for the sake of the money, not for the sake of the story...
but no, in Indonesia, we have our whole own way to do that. We create soap opera from the story of a movie. I mean, isn't that obvious? those freakin' capitals just want those freakin' money... u can kinda believe in me that the quality of the story in that soap opera is decreasing!
hell, I'm not done yet! see, the funny thing is, the other way around is also happening in here. they made movie from the soap opera... hahaha! how can u do that? In my opinion-again-the whole soap opera's story is just a huge joke! there's like nothing in it.
well, I don't know... I guess everyone has her/his own way to make some money to live in... but, don't we familiar with the word "enough"?
hell, this is freakin' life-I guess...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I was just wondering about something...
There's this one band in Indonesia that called themselves Peter Pan. They are soooo famous. Everybody seems to know their songs and can sing it too. They're kinda a new band... They've been famous since 4 years ago bcoz of their first single. Since then, their songs are being played everywhere by everyone. And it seems like everyone want to sing a long whenever Peter Pan's song is being played.
as for me (this is personal, really, honestly) I don't really like their songs. well, I don't like the band's personels either, but I don't even try to look at them, so I guess don't bother, and it's not like a very important thing to do. hmmm... I actually kinda like their first single that brought them into being a celebrities. but, the thing is, everyone played their songs. It's just like everywhere. I'm just really sick of that song becoz of that.
I mean, their songs are really EVERYWHERE, on tv, on the radio, in the mall, in every counter in the shopping center, It's just fuckin' EVERYWHERE!
And then I get sick of it, but it seems like no one agree with me. it's like NO ONE! everyone still plays their songs. Every tv channel, every radio station, every mall, EVERYWHERE!
So I start wondering. What the heck did this band do to people? what did they do to have that huge influence on people?
it's absolutely not the band member. coz they're screwed! The frontman has a baby with many girls(how proudcan u b when u have that kinda situation?), the other band member aren't good-looking enough to deserve a scream from fans(and really, they don't have technic in playing an instrument!!!). is it their songs? their music? but in my opinion, their songs and music are nothing. big zero. There's like nothing special in it.
probably becoz their songs are catchy... Once u hear it, it's just gonna stuck on ur mind and u can't do anything. But the important thing is, is a catchy thing always good?
Well, if Peter Pan's songs are catchy, u don't need to play it over and over again, right?
so what the heck that make this band fuckin' huge? I pray so that many people who influenced by this band recover soon. Coz it's crazy! u can't go anywhere without hearing at least one of their song in the public area...
Hei, guess what? Nothing can stay forever... really...
Seems like many people knows about that, it's just many of us don't realize it. Or just refuse to realize it, coz something that last forever seems just too good to be true.
I just went to the hairdresser yesterday and got my hair done... My hair looked good... yesterday... today? don't even think about it!
well, it still look good... considering my hair never look good on daily basis, coz it's so dry and I just don't care about it... my hair still look good today. But it's just not as good as yesterday. It's sooo not as good as yesterday...
If something can last forever, my hair will look good forever after one visit to the hairdresser. I don't even have to think about it anymore... but then, there's no more hairdresser in this world if everyone's hair is gonna look good forever.
The other case, I just finished reading a very interesting novel (Boy Meets Girl by Meg Cabbot), it's such a fun novel to read. I was kinda sad that I finally finished reading it. It was fun and if there's such thing as 'something can stay forever, or last forever', I'm gonna continue to read, and read, and read more, forever.
But then, It's gonna b boring. I'm gonna be bored! And I'm gonna keep on reading one book. forever! I'm not gonna change to read another book and I'm never gonna know new things and I'm gonna be stupid FOREVER! can u imagine that?!
And please, get real... If there's a book that can b read forever, it's gonna b so freakin' long and thick. And no one's gonna buy it. And... believe me, no writer can write a book that last forever. if there's such thing like that, one writer only write one book until the day he/she dies. crazy!!!
See, the thing is... there's this one kinda pond in some part of Indonesia that provide water which can make ur face look forever young. whaddaya think? hahaha! I could only laugh. I mean, what the hell? It says in the pond (and the tour guide will actually mention it to u whenever u go there) that u have 2 wash ur face several times and u'll never get any wrinkles on ur face as long as u live. Can u believe that?
The result is, many people actually wash their faces there. Either they believe in that pond (or the magic inside it-I guess) or they think that they might as well do it, for what is worth, coz they finally get there and nothing to lose, really, u just have 2 wash ur face.
The scary things that happen nowadays are people are trying to have something that last forever. people say it's all for goodness of human being. I say it's all nonsense and impossible. I mean, God create nothing eternal in this world, why the heck people want to create the opposite thing? I say, it's just going again some pure destiny.
For example, many women that are getting old have their faces lifted so that they won't have any wrinkles. come on women, it's natural that u get wrinkles when u grow older...
So, why don't people just try to appreciate what they get? There are loads of thing we have now to think about, why do we have to think how to make a-never-rotten-apple?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Bulan Ramadhan...
Alhamdulillah dah nyampe bulan Ramadhan lagi... Aku gak pernah nyangka loh aku bakalan sekangen ini ama ulan Ramadhan... Bulan Ramadhan yang penuh berkah...
Jadi inget taun lalu aku ber-bulan Ramadhan-an di negeri orang... di Canada... aku inget taun lalu pas aku lagi puasa ato shaum ato fasting ato whatever u usually call it, ada yg nawarin aku popcorn twist... popcorn tiwst tuh kyk snack2nya anak2 gitu deh... aku bilang gak mau dan si cewek baek yg nawarin popcorn twist itu blg ke aku: "ohh come one... don't be shy... take a handfull... they're sooo good... I got another bag in my locker..." aku masih inget banget klo waktu itu setan dlm diri aku bikin aku sempet mikir: "hell, I'm in freakin' Canada! Do I really have to fast?" alhamdulillah ada sisi baik dari diri aku yg ingetin: "Of course I do! Masa aku cuma mau batal gara2 a freakin' handfull of popcorn twist? Penyesalannya bisa bertaun2 gila!!!"
Alhamdulillah, jadinya aku gak batal deh... jadinya aku puasa sebulan penuh... karena alhamdulilah juga aku selama 2 taun kmaren gak batal gara2 mens... jadi dah dua taun aku puasaku full sebulan terus... pengennya sih terus2an kyk gitu... pasti asik...
kayaknya, slama beberapa taun terakhir ini, aku alhamdulillah sllalu mendapat sesuatu dari bulan Ramadhan... Ramadhan tiga tahun yang lalu, aku punya pacar... eh, pas lebaran aku putusin pacarku... gimana Ramadhannya gak hikmah banget tuh... hehehe!
Ramadhan dua tahun yang lalu juga asik... soalnya aku ngrasa Ramadhan taun sebelumnya aku gak pol-pol-an banget, gara2 masih pacaran itu...
Ramadhan taun lalu... adalah ramadhan yg paling funky seumur hidupku... taun pertama aku tinggal jauuuuuuuuuuuh banget dari ortu. taun pertaman aku lebaran tanpa ortu... taun pertama aku puasa dan learan dinegeri orang lain. It was the worst Idul Fitri but yet the most valuable experience I've ever had!
Ramadhan taun2 sebelum tiga tahun yg lalu juga nyenengin... cuma waktu itu aku masih anak2... jadi gak terasa menantang gitu... klo skarang, aku dah dewasa, dah gede, dah makin banyak aja godaan.... jadi kerasa banget tantangannya di ramadhan2 yg skr ini...
well, Hope I get it thru the end of Ramadhan and experience once again an Indonesia's traditional Idul Fitri...
Smoga amal ibadah slama bulan Ramadah di terima ama Allah SWT... amin!

Monday, October 03, 2005

cuma lagi kepengen nulis pake Bahasa Indonesia... pengen nunjukin kalo aku bangga jadi anak Indonesia, sekaligus juga malu...
Hmm... kayaknya, setiap taun di Indonesia selalu aja ada bom meledak yang bikin heboh....
Bomb Bali I, bom di kedutaan US lah, bom dikedutaan Australia lah, dan yang paling fresh bom Bali II.
Mungkin udah banyak yang bilang klo bom bali II itu kerjaan orang2 yang gak bertanggung jawab, yang kurang ajar, dll...
Aku juga mo nambahin ah... biar orang2 yang mencaci maki para pelaku tambah banyak... hehehe!
Kalo kata mamaku, orang2 yg ngeledakin bom di bali itu kurang ajar. Mereka kayaknya frustrasi banget. Habis ngeledakin bom, banyak yang mati, trus udah aja, gak ada tanggung jawab sama skali.
Kalo kata supirku, orang2 yg ngeledakin bom di Bali itu stres kali gara2 harga bbm naek. Mereka pengen nunjukin rasa protes mreka dgn cara ngeledakin bom dan ngebunuh berpuluh2 org.
Klo kata aku, orang2 yg ngeledakin bom di bali itu bisa digambarin sama satu kata: NORAK! apapun alasan mereka buat ngeledakin bom di bali, udah pasti gak masuk akal, udah pasti NORAK! Mereka pasti gak mikir dulu sebelum ngeledakin bom, dan orang2 yg gak mikir itu menurut aku orang2 gila, kalopun mereka waras, brarti mereka NORAK! Mereka pasti punya banyak masalah dalam hidupnya. Tapi, dasar orang2 yg NORAK, mereka mau aja nyerah ama masalah. pengen bunuh diri, pake ngajak2 orang yg gak bersalah...NORAKnya... mereka sama sekali gak nyadar bahwa dlm hidup itu gak sah klo gak ada masalah, saking NORAKnya, mereka mau aja diperbudak masalah.
Sebagai orang Indonesia, aku malu loh... (I fuckin' wonder why...) aku punya temen yang berasal dari 5 benua di dunia. Aku pernah tinggal selama setaun di Kanada. Temen2ku yang bukan orang Indonesia, jujur aja, gak pada tau Indonesia itu ada dimana awalnya. Pas aku bilang klo Indonesia itu dkt Australia, mereka baru ada bayangan. Dari situ aja aku malu...
Where the hell Indonesia has been for 60 fuckin' years of establishment? Emangnya Indonesia tuh masih muda banget ya sampe2 orang2 luar negeri gak pada tau Indonesia itu dmn? Emang sih Indonesia itu maju secara perlahan, tapi, klo pelan2 mulu sampe kpn negara lain bakal kekejar dan Indonesia bakal terkenal??? (I fuckin' wonder...)
Yang lucunya, kebanyakan orang luar negeri itu gak tau dmn Indonesia tapi tau Bali. agak bangga dikit lah... alhamdulillah, Bali udah berhasil banget go internasionalnya... tapi dengan dua kejadian bom yang meledak di Bali, ketenaran Bali bikin aku mikir. Orang2 luar negeri itu jadi tau Bali karena Bali emang Indah ato krn Bali tuh sering kena bom?
Aku jadi makin yakin klo org2 yg ngeledakin bom di Bali itu NORAK. sekarang sih aku lagi berdoa aja supaya yg ngeom itu sebenernya bukan org Indonesia, bukan berkewarganegaraan Indonesia, bukan ngaku2 sbage bangsa Indonesia. Kalo iya... waduh malunya sepanjang masa.
I mean, don't they fuckin' see how bad Indonesia is? How we all try to survive in this world? Udah mah Indonesia teh ancur lebur, kotornya gak ada dua, rakyat gak pernah percaya ama pemerintah, pemerintah gak ada yang bisa dipercaya, masih pengen aja ngeliat Indonesia makin ancur... mau sebobrok apa sih Indonesia ini dibikin? mau dibikin semalu apa sih bangsa Indonesia kita ini?
Well, the last thing I can do is pray. Berdoa biar orang2 Indonesia tuh dikasih rasa nasionalisme yang lebih tinggi ama Allah. Berdoa biar bangsa Indonesia gak dikasih cobaan malu melulu ama Allah. Berdoa biar orang2 lain yang berniat ngancurin orang lain dengan cara NORAK dikasih kesadaran ama Allah. Berdoa biar kita semua bisa survive dikehidupan ini. Berdoa biar kita semua kuat menghadapi cobaan. Berdoa biar kita semua selamat. Berdoa biar aku bisa sabar dalam hidup dan gak ikut-ikutan jadi NORAK.
hmph.... aku turut berbelasungkawa ya atas kesedihan yg terjadi... For my friends all over the world: sorry, Indonesia is not a good enough country, and the fuckin' terrorists just seem to love it here...