Wednesday, December 28, 2005

serious stuff...

Alright… after sometime, I wrote some ‘useless’ stuff in my blog. Now, I’m gonna write something more ‘useful’. Well, here’s the story… as I wrote up in my blog’s explanation, my blog is a place to replace my diary… so, here we go…
This morning, I got two txt message (short message service or sms)from my two best friends… those messages were exactly the same. it said: “describe me in ONE WORD, just one! Send it to me, then send this message to ur friends and see how many wonderful/strange things ppl think about u! reply please, it’s fun!”
I was excited just reading the message. That thing was cool! I love those kinda stuff…
So I replied those messages to my friend and send the same message to some of my friends. It was hard-though… describing ur friend in one word is hard! Describing ur self in one word is harder! Accepting what ppl think about u is the hardest…
When I started sending the message to my friend, I kinda picked and chose which friend I wanted to send the message out… Is he/she a good friend of mine? Is he/she gonna reply my message? Is he/she really care about my message and really think bout me when he/she receives it? Or is she/he gonna ignore the message?
When I sent out the message, I thought… oh well, as long as I know, they’re my friend… and I believe in them, so far I can kinda count on them… so, whatever happens should not b a problem for me, or for my friends, or for us…I kinda had faith in myself and my friends…
Anyway, I sent out some message to my friends… and… (drum roll-please…) here are their answers:
- Nita (one of my classmates. In fact, she’s my desk mate in class. She should know me by know-I think): strange. Hahaha! I just wanted to laugh at the word when I read it… Funny… real funny… ‘strange’ is so far a great description for myself. I admit that. And for a person that know me for only six months, ‘strange’ is a wonderful word!
- Lina (She’s one of my classmates. She’s a good person… I like talking to her): Hanif. Hanif means straight, she said. In her opinion, I can be in the straight line in the middle of fake world. So, if I’m allowed to explain it, in her opinion I kinda know where I am and where I’m going and I have a faith to believe. Pretty good, eh? Alhamdulillah…
- Ditta (one of my best friends. She was one of my friends that sent me the same message): she was kinda cheating in answering the question, so I’m just gonna write what she wrote for me, “I think u’re so ‘daddy’s little girl’. Ups, that’s three words, aren’t they? (ditta, watch out ur grammar! It’s supposed 2b “that are three words, aren’t they?” kay?) but that’s the first thing I thought. No hard feeling, okay?!” No! hell, no hard feeling-of course! I mean, I believe that they’re my friends and what they’re saying is nothing but things to make me success. But she was cheating! It was supposed to be one word! and one word only!
- Mira (my friend since the gr.2 of Junior High School, or gr. 8 if it's more usual for u): mandiri. Well, it's a wonderful word... Mandiri in english is (...I'm thinking...) 'stand on ur own feet'... I'm not sure what the exact word is... but those words are pretty good explanation, right? Probably Mira said that becoz I don't live w/ my family anymore since I was in gr. 10. but 'mandiri' or 'stand on my own feet' is a wonderful word... thx, mira!
- Andhika (he's one of my friend and he's a guy-he's not a boy anymore, y'know- He lives in front of my house and I felt like he kinda knows me...): shopaholic. WHOA!!! shopaholic????!!! what the hell does he think?! well, there's no hard feeling of some sorts... but I never thought that he doesn't really think of the question... or am I just a shopaholic and I don't realize it? I admit that lately (esp. after I came back from Canada) I realize that shopping's fun. I like it, but I don't think that I'm a shopaholic myself, hell No! And he said that he thinks I'm a shopaholic becoz I love to go out and he just saw a book called 'Shopaholic and Sister'. See? that's why I thought that he didn't really think about me... I mean, I love going out. I hate staying at home if I don't have any plan to do... But whenever I go out, it doesn't mean that I go shopping! I have friends, we talked... we go to movies, we have a bite to eat, or we go for some window shopping... oh well, I take every critics that come to me... I really appreciate that he was willing to share what he thinks of me...
- Alin (another one of my best friends): She was cheating too! these are what she wrote "Gharib=strange, boros=like to spend lots of money, open, terlalu musik=too much into music, dunia=life-think about life too much without worrying about life after death." wow! that were lots! Those words were deep, but yet those are so me!!! that's crazy! but I think, the most suitable word for me is the last word. I think too much about my life now and I don't care about my life after death later (yet).
- Wiput (one of my classmates. She's a pretty good girl...): hardworker. Oh my freakin' God!!! someone actually said that I'm a fuckin' hardworker... well, thank you very much for ur compliment, Wiput... but, to b honest with u, I think u don't know me that well yet... It's not that I'm pessimist or something, it's just... I fell that it's not true. I'm not a hardworker yet... I'm really lazy. and worse, my laziness drives me crazy!!! well, hopefully bcoz of that 'hardworker' word Wiput gave me, I become a real hardworker...
- Asti (or Bule I usually call her. She's another one of my best friends. I've been friends w/ her and her twin sister since gr.7): tough! (with the exclamation point too!) hmm... a good choice of word-I think... am I tough? I just never knew or realize that before... but, uh-oh, I just don't know what to say...
- Cabuy (he is one of my classmates... he's a guy... we talk a lot... I told him about my crush, so that means we're kinda close...): dewasa=an adult. I was kinda shock when he told me that... I mean, I wonder if he really knows me or something... coz I believe most of my friends that really know me won't agree with him... I think I'm still childish myself, most of the time...
well... those are some of them... hopefully some other friends reply me... and I'm gonna send the message to my other friends again...
hope those words can evaluate me good enough...

for other people who haven't reply my txt msg. REPLY PLEASE!!! diah, Aulin, Ayu, Anna, Anggi, RifQ!!!! I'm waiting for ur reply!!!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


here's another good song...

Starsailor - In The Crossfire

I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror
I see who I should be
I don’t see myself when I look in your eyes
Thank god for that
I don’t see myself when I look across the river
I see where I should be
I don’t see myself when I look from the sky
Thank god for that
I hear them scream on the radio
It’s getting louder in the crossfire
Try to find some hope
From the ashes of their broken home
I don’t see myself when they fail to deliver
I see what I should be
I don’t see myself when I look at the flag
Thank god for that
I hear them scream on the radio
It’s getting louder in the crossfire
Try to find some hope
I dare you, come
We’ll find the sun
We’ll find the fire
We’ll try to find
The love we give
I want desire
I hear them scream on the radio
It’s getting louder in the crossfire
Try to find some hope
I hear them scream on the radio
It’s getting louder in the crossfire
Try to find some hope
From the ashes of their broken home
I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror

Starsailor emang jagoan klo bikin lagu...
does anyone wanna buy me their cd?????

Monday, December 19, 2005


here's the list of cds that I wanted.... :
- Daniel Powter's new album: Daniel Powter
- Alicia Keys unplugged
- Blink 182 greatest hits
- Limp Bizkit greatest hits
- Craig David: The Story Goes...
- Savage Garden: Truly MAdly Completely, greatest Hits
- Tompi: T
- Destiny's CHild: #1's Destiny's Child
- Eminem: Curtain Call (it would b better if u buy me the repackage one... Thumbs Up)

for those of u who has extra money and wants to buy me one of those(or all of them) for me... tell me... I'd receive it gladly...
or, does anyone has the same cd as what I wanted? is it good? tell me about it, ok?

Saturday, December 17, 2005

one of my wonderful life's experiences...


I'm dying... I'm melting... I'm just sssssooooooooo freakin' happy!!!!!
WooHoo Smile Roll Bounce

okay, my 50000 rupiah is gone but it was sooooooo freakin' worthed!!!!

it was the time when I was listening to the radio that a man named Tompi was gonna perform in Bandung... For those of u who don't know Tompi, Tompi is a great singer with a unique voice. His voice is different than other male singer... He's also a vocalist of a group band called 'Bali Lounge'.
I was surprised when I heard that he's gonna perform on a cafe... I made some phone calls... asked many ppl about the performance... made a reservation... asked my cousin to go along with me... asked many of my friend to go along with me and most of them refused... and bought the ticket... got the ticket... got confused on what I have to wear to the performance... Wait in the cafe from 7-9.30ish pm... until finally.... WATCH TOMPI LIVE!!!!!
it was such a great experience!!!

So, today I promised my cousin to meet in her office after her working hours. Her husband picked her up and we were going with him. On the ticket it says that the performance was gonna start on 7 pm. before 7 pm, we were already there...
so, we saw Tompi was checking the sound.... his voice is good... no, not good... it was great!!!
but then he left. we were confused. and then we found out that he was gonna come back to that cafe just a lil' before he perform... We had something to eat... until 8 pm, no one was on the stage... I was kinda pessimist... I was thinking of sueing the ppl that made this event if Tompi is not gonna come... hahaha
8 pm, the opening act started to sing... oh ya, before the opening act, there was a lil incident... our table was supposed to b filled w/ 6 ppl, which were my cousin and her husband, my friend, me and 2 other ppl. when another 2 ppl came, they saw their place, and they hate it. they didn't wanna sit w/ us. I don't know why... mayb becoz they're a couple and they want their privacy and stuff... I don't know... so, finally we switched place with some ppl... and WE GOT THE VERY FRONT SEATS!!! OUR SEATS WERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE!!! I could see anything that happened on the stage... We were just soooooooooo lucky!!!
so the opening act was singing and stuff... we talked about him... his voice wasn't that bad... but, the truth was we were all waiting for Tompi... and nobody was really paying attention to him... poor guy... his voice was kinda good, though...
after the opening act, there were some quizes... I won some stuff... that was it... we were still waiting for Tompi...
and finally, lil after 9.30 pm, he came!!! HE CAME AND SING!!! and that was the time when I knew the difference... I could feel that there was a different feeling... it was AWESOME!!! even awesome seems not enough...

Tompi WAS THE MAN!!! he was really cool... really soul... really jazzy... it was a fun concert... it was great... it was... unbelievable...
after the concert, my friend and I took a couple pics with him... and I got his autograph for my cousin...
well, not the way he dress though... he wasn't stylish.... I don't like his style... He didn't look like he has hair on his chest... hahaha
but anyway. who the hell fucking care about his appearance when he can actually melt u down with his wonderful voice???
ohhh... tonite was one of the best nights in my life!!!

nih... fotoku bersama Tompi...............
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Thursday, December 15, 2005

Daniel Powter

jadi critanya tuh aku suka ngumpulin lirik lagu... tapi, ternyata di website tpt aku nyimpen lirik2 lagu itu ada limitnya... jadi, yawda deh aku pake blogku tercinta ini deh bwt nyimpen lirik2 lagu yg aku suka...
yang suka juga ama lagu2 yg aku pajang bilang2 yak!!!
soalnya kdg2 selera musikku suka aneh2 gitu... kan asik ada temen...
enjoy! happy singing!

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

ada yang suka Daniel Powter gaaaaakkkk??? aku cinta banget ama dya....
lagunya enaaaaaaakkkkkk banget.... kalo ada yg dah punya albumnya, bilang2 ya... crita2... aku pengen bli, tapi bimbang nih... oke? oke?
happy singing again!

Daniel Powter - Jimmy Gets High

Jimmy you know, everybody hates you when you're living off rock 'n roll
So you get high tonight
And Jimmy you lied, I wonder if you ever get yourself back here alive
So you get high tonight
'Cause you don't need nobody to make it on your own
You dont need nobody you'd rather be alone
So Jimmy gets high tonight
And Jimmy gets high tonight
I must confess, I'm a real live wire
Jimmy you and me we get along a while
Jimmy gets high tonight
Jimmy you lied, I'm hoping that soon maybe life it don't pass you by
So Jimmy gets high tonight
And Jimmy you know, everybody hates you when you're living off your rock 'n roll
So you get high tonight
'Cause you don't need nobody to make it on your own
You don't need nobody you'd rather be alone
So Jimmy gets high tonight
And Jimmy gets high tonight
I must confess, I'm a real life wired
Jimmy you and me we get along a while
Jimmy gets high tonight
I've been so confused
And I just hope it all gets banned to you
So Jimmy gets high tonight
I must confess, I'm a real life wired
Jimmy you and me we get along a while
So Jimmy gets high tonight
And I hope it'll be allright
Jimmy gets high tonight
And I hope it'll be allright
Jimmy you know, everybody hates you when youre living off your rock 'n roll
So you get high

Pussycat Dolls

Pussycat Dolls - Don't cha

I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do) T
hats why whenever I come around she's all over you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of my mind I know you should on with me

[Chorus] Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don't cha, dont cha
Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Don't you, dont cha

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Leave it alone (leave it alone)
Cause if it ain't love
It just ain't enough to leave a happy home
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See, I dont care But I know she aint gon wanna share

[Chorus] Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don't cha, don't cha, baby Don't cha, alright, sing
Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was fun like me (big thrills)
Don't cha

See, I know she loves you (I know she loves you)
I understand (I understand)
I'd probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then, Oh friend you're secret is safe with me

[Chorus] Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
(oh) Dont you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me (like me)
Dont cha, dont cha, baby Dont cha, alright, sing
Dont you wish your girlfriend was raw like me (raw)
Dont you wish your girlfriend was fun like me (big thrills)
Dont cha, dont cha

nah... ini lagunya pussycat dolls yg asli....
lagunya yg stick wit u mah gak asli ah... gak mencerminkan pussycat dolls...

Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
And throwing their love away
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
See the way we ride, in our private lives
Ain't nobody gettin' in between I want you to know that,
you're the only one for me (one for me)
(What I'm sayin')

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

And now, ain't nothing else I can need
And now, I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me
I got you, we'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you (baby I'm with you)
Baby you're with me (baby you're with me, higher)
So don't cha worry about People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down I know you, and you know me
And that's all that counts
So don't cha worry about People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down I know you, and you know me
And that's, that's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u (come on)
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u
Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

Nate James

Nate james - The Message

There is something wrong with sounds today
they never really captured how i feel
and whatever happened to the sounds today
i think they are lacking something real

like them old school jams
that kinda make you wanna dance
lose yourself in music feels so free
each time i take your stand and turn things round
i want you to express yourself through music
and go party and just sing yer
lets get it together
cos music and and that freedom or thinkin is pushing us further

got to get up and dance
got to get and move
got to send out my message to the people
got to get up and dance
got to get in the groove are you hearing my message to the people

so whats going on in life today
people looking down and thinking whats up
but we can think around and find a way
just keep on moving forward and dont give up
lets go back in time to the music on my mind
with stevie playing piano just for you

so what happened to the sounds today
i know that deep down you
love your music and go party and just sing it
lets get it together
and music and that freedom thinkin is pushing us further

got to get up and dance
got to get and move
got to send out my message to the people
got to get up and dance
got to get in the groove
are you hearing my message to the people
till end

I just like this song nowadays...
I don't know wheter the lyrics are correct or not...
but oh well, gotta get in the groove baby...!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

for ur spare time....

hi guys...
whut's up???
do u have a spare time...?
u wanna know about ur crush...???
why don't u try this link....

have fun, guys!
good luck!

Monday, December 12, 2005

I just got an email...

a funny one...

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually poisonous mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus because I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 Angels looking out for me.

Thx Beatrix for sending me that e-mail... that is really funny...

Saturday, December 03, 2005

welcome to my life...

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
(Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life)

By the time I wrote this, I've cried for 3 times today.
crazy? unbelievable? I'm like a baby? what-fuckin'-ever u say! the truth is, I've cried out loud for three times today!
okay, here's the thing... I'm not sure what has happen to me.
People who know me understand that I usually go to Jakarta for the weekend coz my family actually lives there. On Thursday my mom called. She asked whether I'm coming to Jakarta this weekend or not. I couldn't make a decision. On friday she called again and I said I'm coming. I wasn't sure for coming to Jakarta coz I have lots to do. There's an extra lesson class that I was supposed to attend, I have lots of hw to do, and my final exams r coming up next thursday... But I thought about it again. I kinda still have time to study and do all my work, but if I'm not coming to Jakarta this weekend, I'm not sure when I can come again. next week is my final exams week. I'm gonna have a short break and when I go back to school again next semester, I'm gonna b real busy studying(hopefully) even on weekends...
So, I decided to go to Jakarta today. I packed my stuff before I went to school this morning and I was ready to go. When I was in school, I remember that I'm gonna have physics exam on monday. the exam's gonna be on 3 units. It's crazy!!! and I forgot to bring my physics book with me. I asked my stupid driver to bring my physics book that was on my book shelf.
After school, one of my friend asked me to have lunch together coz it's her b-day today... I accept her invitation gladly... who the hell reject free lunch???
When I got my my car after school, my driver showed me a book. and it wasn't my physics book. I don't know what the hell made him think that it was the right book. there's a title in front of my physics book, says "Aliendheasja Fawilia SMA Negeri 3 Bandung Buku Catatan Fisika" and he still got the fuckin wrong book. Argh! I felt that I was likely to kill him gladly...
so I was mad. I asked him to go back home and got the right book for me.
After he left. I called my dad. My sista picked up the phone. I asked her what time is mother gonna need all the stuff that I was supposed to bring from Bandung... She said at 7 pm. I said, I'm sure that I'm gonna b there on time. I hung up the phone and joined my friend.
five minutes later I got an sms from my dad. he said that I'd better go as soon as I can coz there's a possibility that I won't b there on time. I was mad. I mean I told my sis that I'm gonna do as best as I can, but my stupid driver got me a wrong book so he needs to go back home again. I also said that it's better for me not going to Jakarta if my mom really need the stuff as soon as possible.
not long after that, I got another sms. my dad said that if I'm gonna have an exam on monday, it'll b better for me not going to Jakarta then.
that was when I was dropped. I'm not sure what happens to ppl but why don't they understand me? just a lil' bit!
I was willing to go to Jakarta coz I'm not sure when I'm going to Jakarta again.... I wanted to meet my family. I miss them! ohhh fuck! and they just don't fuckin' get it!!!
right at that moment, I called my driver that I'm not going to Jakarta and he can go there by himself.
I actually had fun at the lunch with my friend. but guess what? there's something ironic happened... I was finished lunch at 1pm and I actually still had time to go to Jakarta if everyone was lil more patient.
I was mad. I was sad. I felt that I am unwanted.
When I was in angkot, my mom called, twice, I rejected it. When I go home, I went straight my room, cried, and slept.
I was dissapointed.
When I was sleeping, my dad called. with my reflex, I answered it. innocently he asked where I am and whether I'm on my way to Jakarta or not. I was really mad until I thought of scream on him. I said I was sleeping. and he hung up. I turned off my cell right away.
I woke up at 5 pm, took a shower. my dad called again. innocently (again) he asked me what time my extra lesson class's over... I said I'm not going. he asked me whether I had a plan on going or not. I said I didn't have any plan for tonite. and he hung up.
I guess what made me angry is my life doesn't interest them anymore... and the distance between Bandung and Jakarta is real close so they feel that they don't need to know worry anything about me. especially my feeling....
my dad didn't even ask me what I feel right now!!!
I feel like calling my mom and scream on her, cry on her, so she listen, so they listen, so they actually remember that they actually have another kid in another part of the world!!!
so they understand how tired I am with my life! so they know I don't get home until 9pm studying. for them. to make them proud... to make them happy... to do what they asked me to...
okay, it's my fourth time crying today...
I don't know what else to write....

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

tentang opini...

Aku takjub sama apa yang bisa mempengaruhi opini seseorang. Menurut aku ada banyak hal yang bisa bikin kita berubah pikiran, salah satunya adalah tempat kita tinggal dan suasana di tempat tersebut.
Contoh kasus yang pernah terjadi ama aku adalah masalah sekolah. Sekolah itu deket banget ama kehidupanku, jadi wajar dong...
Aku inget, taun lalu pas aku di Kanada, salah satu temenku ada yang ngepost gambar yang ada tulisannya "school sucks!" di blog kelas. Taun lalu aku mikir kalo itu salah banget. Temen2 aku di kanada malah mengiyakan gambar itu. Waktu itu aku mikir kalo mreka tuh gak bersyukur banget ama apa yang mreka dapet. gila! highschool in canada was fun! loads of fun! no hard himeworks, no long assn't (except that research paper and the extensibe reading in ELA B30 class), lots of quizes but no hard ones, no hard exams that can make u frustrate with ur very low marks (well, I did get low marks in ELA B30 exams thru out the semester, but that was nothing. I was an exchange student and english isn't my mother tounge, so that wasn't a single prob).
When I was there, I first thought that I could stay in school for the whole year. crazy thought-I know. And if uasked me what was my best experience when I was in ca, I'd answer school out loud. But guess what? now that I'm here, in my beloved country,Indonesia(hahaha!) I agree that school sucks so bad.
Tadi pagi pas aku lagi pake baju sambil ngantuk-ngantuk, aku sempet kepikiran saat-saat aku mau berangkat ke sekolah dengan semangat. kapan ya??? kalo boleh jujur, gak pernah deh kayaknya. Aku inget waktu pertama TK aja aku gak bisa tidur, bukan karena seneng, tapi tegang ama apa yang bakal terjadi besoknya. Masuk SD juga sama, soalnya ada gosip kalau guru kelasnya ngajar. Pas SMP aku tegang soalnya ada mos(kayak ospek gitu bg yg g tau) dan takut disuruh yang aneh2 di skolah ma kakak kelas. masuk SMA juga sama, lebih serem malah, soalnya mosnya lebih gila. Kakak kelasnya jauh lebih galak drpd jaman smp.
Setiap hari senen rasanya berat banget buat sekolah gara2 keasikan weekend. Setiap masuk sekolah habis libur panjang lebih males lagi rasanya. udah enak-enak libur, malah dibebanin lagi ama smua kerjaan skolah. Waktu aku di Kanada, aku lebih milih aku lebih milih skolah tiap hari, gak ada libur, jadi ada kerjaan tiap hari.
knapa ya bisa kyk gt? apa skolahku disini terlalu membebani murid2nya? ato malah skolahku sebenernya biasa aja dan aku-nya yang ngrasa terlalu terbebani? apa skolahku di Kanada yang emang terlalu sante?gak ngerti deh...
but anyway, can u see it? crita ttg skolahku itu adlh suatu contoh nyata klo opini kita senantiasa berubah, gampang banget malah. Salah satu penyebabnya adalah tempat kita tinggal dan suasana yang ngedukungnya....

Friday, November 25, 2005

Rasis dan Narsis

aku lagi bingung.... skarang2 ini aku sring banget ngedenger orang bilang, "Ihhh.... rasis banget sih..." ato, "woi! narsis banget sih lu!"
kalo aku, aku sebenernya blum ngerti banget apa artinya narsis... kalo rasis sih aku ngeri-nya arti sebenernya... rasis: sangat bangga dengan ras diri sendiri sehingga menganggap remeh atao jelek ras orang lain...
tapi kayaknya, seperti kata-kata yang lain di Indonesia, kata2 rasis dan narsis di plesetkan deh artinya... masalahnya gini... kalo ada orang yang punya hp yang berkamera trus kalau isi fotonya adalah foto pemiliknya semua, orang yg lg ngeliatin foto pasti bilang, "iiihhh... dasar narsis!!!"
kalo kata aku sih, yg kyk gitu itu bukannya narsis, tapi wajar... kalau yg punya hp berkamera kita kasi nama A, trus yg lg ngeliat hp kita kasih nama B, wajarlah kalo foto A lebih banyak di hpnya. itu kan hpnya A... kalo di hpnya A lebih byk fotonya B, itu baru gak wajar... Kalo yg punya hpnya A, terserah A dong mo naro foto sapa aja... apalagi kalo mo naro fotonya sendiri yg paling banyak... yang kayak gitu, menurut aku, bukan narsis!!!
trus skarang masalah rasis... contohnya aja yang kejadian yg baru aja terjadi di skolah hari jum'at kmaren... Hari Jum'at itu didedikasiin bwt tes olahraga. Kebetulan hari jum'at itu juga bertepatan dengan hari guru nasional... aku ngasih inisiatif ama temen2 seklasku yg laen bwt nyanyiin 'selamat Hari Guru' bwt guru2 kami yg ngajar. aku akuin, kita emang heboh banget. kita rame2, banyakan, nanyi2, brisik aja pokoknya... yang bikin aku mikir, knapa bisa muncul di pikiran orang2 lain yang brasal dari klas lain bahwa aku dan temen2 seklasku itu rasis? kenapa? padahal kan kita nggak ngejelek-jelekin kelas lain... kita juga gak nganggep bahwa diri kita superior... walopun kita brisik, kita heboh, tapi mnurut aku kita gak rasis ah! kita cuma nunjukin klo kita itu kelas yang kompak dan isinya orang2 aneh yang bisa diajak gila...
so? knapa sih kedua kata Rasis dan narsis itu sring banget di gembar-gemborkan...???
kalo mnurut aku sih, sebaiknya kita tuh gak usah sok2an pake satu kata yg sebenernya blum kta ngerti banget...
nah,hasilnya tuh bisa jd kyk contoh kasus rasis dan narsis ini... digunakan tdk sesuai dengan arti sebenernya... jadi bikin bingung... iya gak sih???

Thursday, November 17, 2005

there are something more scary in this life...

Scary movie is really popular these days...
Indonesian: Mirror, missing, Jaelangkung&Tusuk Jaelangkung (remember that?)
Other country: Shutter(the scariest movie I've ever seen), The Ring, Ju-On, etc...
Hollywood: I don't think there is any real scary movie from hollywood. There are just crappy ones, like that recycle of the ring, etc...
I kinda like watching those kinda movie, eventhough there might be some scene in the movie that shock or surprise me... those scenes even stayed in my mind for quite sometime and it actually scared me...
But, guess what? there are things that more scary than just a scary movie, or crappy soap opera, or those crappy-scary stories about stupid ghost and stuff...
Life is scarier (is there any such word as 'scarier'? oh well, what-freaking-ever, it's either scarier or more scary) than those thing. Real life...
Just few days ago, there are a lot of things happen to me...
well, I'm reading this book called "The Minds of Billy Miligan" or "24 Wajah Billy"(in Bahasa Indonesia). The book is telling a true story of a man called Billy who had 24 characters that actually lived in his body. He actually lost track of time coz his other characters stole the time of his life. If u like psychological book, this one is a good one. It's like "Sybil"-a girl that has 16 characters lived in her body. Reading this book is scary. Imagine if u're the one who has multiple characters that live in ur body. U lost track of time. U don't know where things come from and how u get them. it's scary! The scary thing is someone with multiple characters is actually live, or they did live... it's a true story! it's real... and that's what I called life. when scary thing(s) happen(s), that is real life. So I'm finishing this book off today... and I never regret that I spent quite a bit of money for this book...
then couple days ago-I believe-I watched a movie on tv called "Sleepers". I'm not sure why it's called sleepers coz the story is absolutely not about people sleeping or people who like to sleep. It's about a group of boys that accidentally killed a guy and they had to go to the 'special home for boys' kinda thing. So they were in the court and they were sentenced to stay in that 'home' for some number of months... In that 'home' they were being treated like a-I'm not sure how I can describe it-doll-probably that's the best I can do. The guards in that 'home' treated them like a doll. The guards actually used them. too bad that they didn't receive a whole lot of love like a doll usualy receive... Instead, they were raped-sexually abuse, got hit, kick, and all those things. They were asked to eat from the floor, dirty floor. They were treated even worse than animals... And that movie was created based on a true story... real life, eh? That was a scary true story... honestly, that movie was ever scarier(or more scary) than any other scary movie that I've ever watched (well, I think except 'Shutter'. that was a great scary movie!!! It's REAL scary!)
Yesterday, I opened my e-mail inbox and I received an e-mail from a friend. The content of the e-mail was real scary! It has pictures of people (I believe it's in Africa), very-very-VERY thin people. They're like almost die coz they don't have food to eat. Their body are only bones covered with skin. The pics of the ppl were from a VERY THIN baby until a VERY THIN adult. They beg for food. It's freakin' scary!!! It actually happens in real life. there are actually ppl that are still hungry and they can't afford food until they are starving and become very thin. It scares me soooo much!!!
last thing that happened to me was a bad news. one of my cousin is in the hospital right now. He got infection in his brain. He isn't aware about what is happening around him anymore... He's in the stage of comma-I guess. He can't eat by himself now. The food has 2b liquid. He can't move, he's just lying there, can't help to do anything. I think he feels something hurts him, but he can't speak. His temperature is high, he's sweating but the temperature's still up, and the weird thing is his hands are cold... It is scary!!! he's still young, still 29. He has a life to live... a family to lead... I'm too scary to imagine what could happen to him... if he's cured, what's he gonna b like... but if he's not... oh shit! I don't wanna imagine such thing... It scares me!!!

There are times I find it hard to sleep at night
We are living through such troubled times
And every child that reaches out for someone to hold
For one moment they become my own
And how can I pretend that I don't know what's going on
When every second with every minute another soul is gone

And I believe that in my life I will see
An end to hopelessness or giving up of suffering
And we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up and hear me sing
Stand up for love
I'm inspired and hopeful each and every day
That's how I know that things are gonna change
So how can I pretend that I don't know what's going on
When every second with every minute another soul is gone
And I believe
That in my life I will see
An end to hopelesness of giving up of suffering
And we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up for love
And it all starts right here
And it starts right now
One person stand up there
And the rest will follow
For all the forgotten
For all the unloved
I'm gonna sing this song
And I believe that in my life I will see
An end to hopelessness of giving up of suffering
If we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up and sing
Stand up for love
(Stand Up for Love - Destiny's Child)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

it feels that it's been so long since my last writing...

I'm not really sure what I'm gonna write about, but hey... let it flow...
pasca Idul Fitri, there are lots of things change... that's what I feel...
I change... well, that's what I feel....
see, before that long Idul Fitri holiday, I had a problem within myself that I hate this one person. In my opinion, I just didn't get the feeling between us. The chemistry just wasn't there. But I didn't feel good. It felt akward when u hate someone and still had to meet him/her everyday. So, when I was still on my holiday, I thought to myself that I'm gonna change after Idul Fitri... and now I feel that I do change... I don't hate that person anymore. I become more openminded to that person. If that person isn't in the mood, I'm just trying my best to look happy, so that person get the good mood back...
Besides that, I feel that, I'm now in the stage of understanding myself. I'm trying to feel myself, my mind... I'm learning about my self. I just realise that if I want to, I can do something great. If I can just be lil' more dilligent, I'm gonna b a whole lot better. I learn that sometime I say the same sentence twice and I'm trying to stop that. I'm trying to think how to talk before I speak. I listen to other people more than I talk...
I do change. I feel that I become more likely an adult. My parents trust me to arrange things... lots of things... I know my job, what I have to do, etc... I feel that I become more responsible. I have to remember all the streets now. I have to know where I stand, so I don't get lost...
Other things change... My cousin, kak Ita, just married. I don't feel a huge diff coz I know her husband (Bang Donny) quite well before, but I can just feel it. It's different.
my friend, a boy that I used to have crush with, change. He finally decided that he doesn't wanna touch me anymore... well, I think he doesn't wanna touch any girls before he gets married and I believe he's just gonna touch his own wife. 'touch' here means real touch... he doesn't wanna shake my hands anymore... oh well, I hope he'll be fine...
My other cousin is in the hospital. It is a huge change. Many members of my family have to go back and forth from home to the hospital. We are double tired right now. He-my sick cousin-change. He was a good boy before... but I guess he was in a deeeeeeppp depression, so he is sick now... Hopefully something like that is never gonna happen to me or the other members of my family again.
And the situation tonite is change. It's beautiful outside. very. trust me! It's a full moon. The moon is beautiful, it's really bright. Probably when we turn off all the street lights, the road is still gonna b bright... subhanallah... It's gorgeus outside...
Too bad that in canada or in another western countries it's winter right now... Thank God there's no more winter for me in Indonesia... well, my friend, have fun with the snow...
hmmm... I was gonna write something else... but I kinda forgot... and i don't know how to put them in a good arrangement of paragraph...
oh well, I'm just gonna write something else later...
Oh God... I wish I could change and become more dilligent...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

do u actually deserve what u get?

I sometimes think about that...
In my city, Bandung, there is some test to do before u get into a good highschool(like my highschool). You have to get some particular high mark to get in. That's when people call u 'pure blood'... well, just like in Harry Potter...
Of course, there's gotta b some 'half-blood's. yup! there are some 'half-blood's... they are people who don't get in by high mark, but by money... In the second semester every year, many people want to go in to good highschool, but becoz they don't have enough mark, they 'pay' the school to get accepted... and they actually get in! that's crazy, isn't it?
as a 'pure blood', I hate that system. I sometime think about that... do they actually deserve what they get?! it isn't fair! I tried so hard-study hard-to get a high mark... but they didn't! they never really tried! they just use their money to do anything! I hate that!
same thing with my relatives that think my parents is a daycare... It's true! bukannya gue gak ikhlas ato apa... but my dad tried so hard-work really hard- to be someone like this... he worked hard, he started from the very bottom of his career, and he actually deserve what he got now, I think... but my other relatives always ask my parents to take care of their children. They wanted their children to experience stuff, expensive stuff-to b exact... gue bukannya nyombong ato apa loh... but I do experience expensive stuff bcoz of my parents' hard work...
and I think my cousins don't deserve those expensive stuff... I mean, if they want expensive stuff, ask their parents to work hard and buy them those expensive stuff! don't ask my parents to buy it for them!
really, I think people have to start to think about themselves... do they actually deserve what they get? do WE actually deserve what WE get? do we work really hard to get what we want??? do we work it out by ourselves and without 'ngemis' ma orang lain???
good stuff to think about, eh?

Friday, November 04, 2005

the traditions...

Akhirnya, teman-teman....
Hari ini hari kedua Lebaran... well, Idul Fitri...
hmmm... is this 'lebaran' and 'Idul Fitri' thingy really a big deal? Yeah, people say Lebaran is what u call the tradition of buying new stuff(clothes, shoes, etc), and eating a lot. Idul Fitri is the day after one month of Ramadhan when u say ur sorry and u forgive everyone... Kembali pada fitrahnya, gitu katanya...
For myself, that difference doesn't really bothering me. I do agree to both saying, so for all of my friends: SELAMAT IDUL FITRI, maafin aku lahir batin ya... MET LEBARAN SMUA!!
waduh, gak ada deh satu kata yang bisa ngegambarin gmn senengnya aku akhirnya bs ngerasain hari raya ini di Indonesia lagi, bareng ama kluargaku... maklum lah, taun lalu kan aku lebaran di Kanada... iya, emang di kanada itu byk orang Islamnya, tapi kan beda aja rasanya, suasananya... makanya aku bersyukur banget dah dikasih kesempatan ama Allah untuk bisa lebaranan sama sluruh kluarga lagi di Indo...
buat temen2ku yg tinggal di luar negeri, khususnya yg di daerah barat dan jauh dari orang tua, sabar ya teman... aku ngerti kok rasanya gmn...
ngomong2 soal lebaran, banyaaaaakkkk banget tradisi yang udah mengakar di Indonesia...
mudik, takbiran di malem takbiran, makan ketupat (ato makan makanan lain khas daerah masing2, seperti: ketupat ketan, buras, dll), shalat Ied rame2, pake baju baru, salam2an, minta maaf ma ortu dan org2 lain, makan kue yang banyaaaaakkk, sampe dapet ato ngasih salam tempel...
tapi, gara2 perkembangan zaman, ada aja tradisi-tradisi baru yang bermunculan...
pas bulan Ramadhan, acara pas sahur tambah banyak dan beragam. pas lebaran, setiap stasiun tv nayangin acara nyanyi2 lagu Islam(nasyid) dan acara lawak... yang lagi ngetrend bgt skarang adalah nonton bajaj bajuri... sumpah, tu acara funky abis!!!
nah, mnurutku ada tradisi yang udah bbrp taun blakangan ini wajib dilakuin di hari lebaran ataupun bbrp hr sebelumnya... guess what? ngirim sms ucapan selamat lebaran plus minta maaf adlh jwbannya...
beneran deh... hal ini nih udah terbukti dengan sepinya jalanan di Bandung pas malem takbiran kemaren... aku ngerti klo emang byk orang yg gak mudik krn kenaikan bbm dll, tapi bbrp taun yg lalu, berdasarkan pengalamanku, kalo lwt jl. dago pas mlm takbiran tuh mobil gak pernah bisa jalan... well, bisa sih, tapi merayapnya laaaaammmmaaaaa bgt!!! kyk mlm mingguan aja...
tapi mlm takbiran kmaren, aku lewat dago jam 1/2 9 mlm dan gak ada orang(hiperbolically)!!! gila! gak ada org yg takbiran, yg heboh2 pake bedug dan lain sbagenya... instead of takbiran, orang2 pd heboh ngirim sms slamat lebaran, terbukti dengan siiiiibbbbuuukkknya provider hp. sodara2ku mo ngirim sms aja gak nyampe2, soalnya (hampir)smua org disluruh Indonesia kyknya barengan sms slamet lebarannya... aku aja masih nrima sms ampe jam 12 mlm!(thx y, win... gpp kok sms j segitu, ak ngerti klo providernya emang sibuk bgt...)dan lagi, pas aku bangun jam 1/2 5 pagi, 2 sms dah nunggu...(thx y diah ama faisal...)
yah... gpp sih terbentuk tradisi2 baru... buktinya gr2 sms lebaran ini, aku jadi smsan lagi ama temen smsanku yg dulu... kangen juga ama dya ternyata... dah lama bgt g smsan ma dya... (rifQ, ketemuan yuuuuuukkkkkk!!!!makan bareng ato jalan bareng gitu....) tapi, sayangnya aku kehilangan jejak mantanku tercinta... (mantan, dimana lu? klo lu lagi baca, sms gw doooong.... kok ganti no hp g blg2 sih? ato e-mail ak aj gmn?
well, sudah lah... sodara2ku yg dari Medan (gile! smua org yg baca blogku tau bibit-bebet-bootku dong???hehehe!)dah nyampe tuh... harus nemenin dulu...
whoa!!! one big party after another is coming up, people!!!

Sunday, October 30, 2005


It feels weird when everyone treat you like an adult... especially your parents....
At least, that's how I feel.
My parents actually treat me like an adult, after all.
They asked me what I think about stuff they have to decide...
They asked me what I feel.
They allow me to choose what I want, do what I wanna do.
They trust me.
That is really important.
It feels great. I remember when I was a kid, I always wanted to b treated like an adult. And I always get mad when I was treated like a kid, coz I always felt that I'm old enough to b an adult. (funny how kid thinks, eh?)
But, y'know, a person-like me-never feel satisfy. never.
whatever happens to a person-like me-his/her will never feel that it's enough. There must be a negative thinking along with positive thinking.
And, as I am only an ordinary person, there's another side of this being-treated-like-an-adult-thing.
I feel that my parents don't baby me anymore... and I kinda miss it...
My parents don't ask me details stuff coz they really trust me... and I really miss it...
They don't phone me that often...
they just treat me like an adult....
and I miss being treated like a kid...
well, I guess "I'm just an ordinary people, I don't know which way to go..."

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Bingung - Confusing

It confuses me... is this languange problem reallly important?
Some of my friends outside Indonesia sent me some e-mails, protested me becoz they didn't understand what I wrote in Bahasa Indonesia...
Some of my friends in Indonesia protested me coz I prefer English to Indonesia to write on my blog. One of them even said to me: "Alien, be proud of Bahasa Indonesia!"
I'm confused, my friend!
oh well... this is actually my blog and I can do anything that I want with it, can't I? I can write what I want in it, can't I? I can use whatever languange I feel like, can't I?
It reminds me... eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn...
hahaha! look, Lisa! I still remember ur Germans!

nih... diartiin deh dlm Bahasa Indonesia...
Ngebingungin aku nih... Emangnya masalah bahasa ini penting ya?
Temen2ku dilar Indonesia ngirimin aku email, mereka protes soalnya gak ngerti tulisan aku yang pake bahasa Indonesia...
Temen2ku yang laen protes ke aku gara2 aku lebih suka nulis pake bahasa Inggris drpd Bahasa Indonesia di blogku. Salah satu temenku bahkan bilang: "Alien, cintailah Bahasa Indonesia!"
Temen2, aku bingung!
Ya biarin deh... ini kan blogku... aku hasrusnya bisa ngelakuin apa yg aku pengenin disini kan? Aku bisa nulis apa aja yang pengen aku tulis kan? Aku boleh pake bahasa apapun yg aku inginkan, kan?
jadi keinget, satu ampe sepuluh dlm bahasa Jerman...
hahaha! aku gak lupa tuh bahasa Jerman yang udah diajarin lisa...

Monday, October 24, 2005

suka malu....(bahasa Indonesia lagi)

Aku suka malu kadang-kadang. well, it's not that I LIKE being embarased, but I often feel embarased... Yah... aku sering malu... well, gak sering sih, kadang-kadang...
gini loh... kepikiran aja... aku maluuu banget klo udah bulan Ramadhan... katanya bulan penuh ampunan... bulan penuh berkah, bulan pas pahala tuh diobral habis-habisan... Katanya juga, jangan sampe deh kita di bulan Ramadhan itu cuma dapet capek, haus, ama laper doang... gak guna...
naaaahhh... itulah yang bikin aku malu... well, salah satunya. Katanya bulan Ramadhan, kita harus bisa nahan hawa nafsu... buktinya? BIG ZERO! bulan Ramadhan ma bukan bulan Ramadhan sama aja ah... aku bukan nulis ttg org laen ato pengen nyindir orang laen loh... skarang aku lagi nulis ttg aku aja...
back to the subject... bulan Ramadhan, puasa allright, other than that? nothing!
shalat tetep bolong-bolong... ngaji juga males...malu euy....
hawa nafsu tetep aja gak terkendali. cowok cakep, tetep aja dipelototin. ada orang yang bikin kesel, pasti langsung marah-marah. ada kejadian gak enak, langsung deh nyumpah-nyumpah... ada kejadian rame, langsung deh bergibah...malu!!!
jadi, bedanya bulan Ramadhan ama bulan biasanya apa? kalo bulan Ramadhan puasa, klo bulan laen enggak...
alhamdulillah sih, aku masih dikaruniai rasa malu sama Allah... Aku mulai shalat terus, lima waktu. mulai nyadar diri... trus klo ada orang yang bikin kesel, aku gak tanggepin. ada kejadian gak enak, aku diem, gak nyumpah2... cuma badan aja yang kerja, usaha memperbaiki keadaan, tanpa harus ngeluh... gibahnya masih euy... gimana ya?
yang lucunya, aku malu klo ketauan ngaji.... aneh ya? soalnya klo pada tau aku ngaji pasti langsung di 'adeuh-adeuhin' gitu deh... mana aku orangnya gak tahan banting lagi... di ejek2 dikit aku bisa down banget... blum lagi kesannya klo yang ngaji itu cuma anak2 yg alim doang... ato, ejekan lain yang bilang klo orang2 cuma rajin ngaji pas bulan Ramadhan doang...jadi deh, aku ngaji diem2... susah banget rasanya... aneh ya? klo aku sih sedih...
blum lagi... temen2 cewekku tambah banyak aja yang pake kerudung.... BANYAK! yang pastinya, salah satu temenku itu nanya, 'alien, kapan nyusulnya?' hah?! ku terdiam(tak kulakukan...ooooo-Malique n d'
aku?pake kerudung? beneran? kapan ya? belum ada niatan euy... kenapa?gak tau deh... mungkin aku belum siap aja... belum siap apa? gak tau deh... belum siap aja ninggalin dunia kemaksiatan. belum siap harus jadi anak alim...
menurut aku sih, pake kerudung bebannya berat banget... keinginannya tuh harus bener2 dari dirisendiri, jadi ngejalaninny gak setengah2... kayak banyak temen2ku. pake kerudung karena dipaksa mama/papa, ato dipaksa ama keadaan, jadi ujung2nya mreka setengah2... ahhh... serem!
lebih serem lagi dosanya yag gak pake kerudung katanya...
waduh, jadi gimana dong...?
ya ampuuuuunnnn... aku bingung sendiri nih... ngrasa munafik sendiri aja...
aku tuh udah jelas2 tau klo aku salah, tapi blum mau ngelakuin yg bener...ya ampunnn... kapan ya???
malu euy....

Thursday, October 20, 2005

my first worst mark in english class

okay, I'm soooooooo dissapointed.... really dissapointed...
I got fuckin 6.66 (or 66.6%) on my last english test!!!! I mean I got fucking 6!!! SIX!!! for God's sake!!!
I honestly never got 6 as my english mark!!! never! NEVER EVER!!!!
well, I did got 50% on my English mark on Hamlet when I was in Canada. But it was my FIRST english test in CANADA! in a FOREIGN country with English as the FIRST languange!
I never got FUCKING SIX in INDONESIA!!!! never!!!!
I wanna know where are my misktakes.... what did I do wrong? What the heck has happened to the test? or the answer key? or the computer scanner? or ME?!
But I'm soooo sure-really sure when I did that test... It was a usual test... with reading and fucking grammar... it was kinda easy-I think...
It's crazy!!! It drives me crazy! fucking crazy!!!
it just makes me down.... waaaaaaaaayyyyyy down!!!!
my tablemate said that probably I'm just unfortunate.... FUCK OFF!!! I know i wasn't unfortunate!!! I was sooooo sure I could do that test easily... If I'm unfortunate please show me where it is... I know I tried my best...
oohhh... FUCK!
I feel like killing my fucking english teacher!!!
(hell! I mean i speak english more fluently than her! There's no guarantee that she understood every single english word I said...)
p.s. my other english teacher said: "end that cakes off!" Hell! there's no such thing as 'end that cake off'!!! there's only 'finish that cake off'!!!
Oh my God.... please save me from this fucking life!!!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

u don't know what u got 'till it's gone...

That sentence is soooo true...
u just don't know what u got 'till it's gone...
I don't live with my parents anymore(as most of my friends know). I live and go to school in Bandung and my family lives in Jakarta.
I usually go to Jakarta every weekend... in some rare cases, my family comes to Bandung to visit me.
That saying goodbye time, between me and my family is always the hardest thing to do. always.
Esp. this month is the Ramadhan month... everyone just wants to get together with family... so do I. It doesn't feel good when u have to have ur very-early-breakfast alone... or when u have to break ur fast alone... it feels weird. u can feel like there's something missing.
But I guess, I'm just getting used to it... it's my life, I'd better get used to it or I'd rather don't live... the thing is, this weekend my family came to bandung. They came to visit me. great, it was. I forgot my loneliness, etc... but then, just tonite, one of my friend asked me how I feel about going through Ramadhan alone. I answered it diplomatically ("Fine, I guess u're just get used to it...").
but then, like half an hour ago my family left for Jakarta. I felt that I wanna cry. My friend's question reminded me that I'm gonna b alone again. Crying 1
That reminded me also with my experience in Canada one more time. My life without my family. I remember when I was in Canada there were times when I felt that I had no one to turn to. My family was soooo far away and sometimes my problems weren't worth my familly's worry. So I could ony cry and wished my family were there to help me. But then, I could actually managed my problems.
well, the thing is, when I'm with my family, I never feel that it is long enough. I want more and more and more time with them... and sometimes I feel that I don't use my time with them maximal enough...
and then now, when I'm alone, all I could think is... 'shit! I hate being alone...' without having a more qualitative time with them...
is that 'u don't know what u got' character humany?"

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I thought I lost him somewhere along the line... but the to tell u the truth is, I think he just wanna make sure that he has his new self right now.
Alright, lemme tell u d'story...
There's this boy that lives in front of my house. We're the same age. We used to go to the same school together, but he graduated highschool right now, successfully entering the best university in Indonesia, while I'm still struggling in freakin' highschool.
So, we used to go to the same school. We used to go to the same extra lessons after school, sometimes together. so we build a friendship.
But I screwed it up. I got a crush on him. (what the hell is goin' on with me, telling the truth to the world?) It's just... I don't know. 'coz he's not handsome or anything, and his body's not a built up one... it's just-I don't know. I guess he's charming enough for me so I just... well, I wrote it down already, I got a crush on him.
And he's nice and all... I mean, in the old times, we used to send each other sms (txt message, for those of u who don't know what sms is). When I came home late, he asked where I had been. From what I understand is I felt that he cared about me. I got a crush on him.
We used to talk a lot too. Eventhough I talked more than he did, but we share stories too. I feel that he knew me and I thought I knew him too (hahaha! that's just what I thought). But we had a great time when we were chatting along. or at least, I had fun.
Well, I'm still having fun when I talk to him until now.
So, I got a crush on him. and I think it's kinda obvious. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel that I'm transparant. It just seems that many ppl, even new ppl that I just met, know what I think, know what I feel. It's scary...
anyway, I think it's obvious that I got a crush on him, and I think he could feel it.
But then, I went to Canada for my exchange year... We practically didn't talk to each other for a year. Honestly, it's so rare for me to even think about him.
My friends kept me up2date with news about him. They said that he became more charming than he used to be. Many girls got crush on him too. I literally laughed at that time. I tought that I was kinda weird to have a crush on someone like him, but then many girls actually felt the same way. I think it's kinda funny.
Finally, my one year in Canada was over. Time for freakin' real life in Indonesia.
When I got back to Indonesia, my friends informed me about 'X'. He changed! he changed extremely. My friends gave me piece by piece of information and I had to complete the puzzle by myself. Honestly, it made me kinda excited when I thought about him.
So, he changed into a really good person. He became more religious than before. Almost all of his friends now are religious. He likes to go to the mosque and everything... he changed.
Well, for me, as a friend I'm so glad that he changes into a better person. Good for him...
But, becoz he became more religious, I felt that he kinda stay away from girls, from me... He was just not his old self anymore. He seemed like he never wanted to meet me if we didn't need each other. We just couldn't talk to each other like we used to.
I am sad. I mean, losing a friend hurts... let alone losing someone that u had a crush on... Since he changed, I didn't really mind about I got a crush on him or not... I just missed him-as a friend. He's a nice guy, he listened when I was talking, and he knew me, I felt that he could actually read my mind.
So, I told him all that... I told him about what I feel (I didn't tell him that I got crush on him... come on, I'm crazy, but not THAT crazy)... I told him that I miss our chat together...
guess what is his respond? NOTHING! really, he didn't say anything after I told him all that... I mean, what the hell I supposed to do? and what the hell is goin' on with him? can he just say something?
and guess what? I am sad. more (or is it sadder?).
Until I got to to one conclusion... he just became more religious. And there's no such thing as make friend with a girl in his life now. He didn't respond becoz he wanted me to know that he changed. he's a religious person now...
well, I'm still sad about that. but I kinda understood his way of thinking now. and if I wanna b a good friend for him, I should've understand him, shouldn't I? and I was just trying to as easygoing as I can b-I guess.
And then, tonite was a funny night. How come X always becomes sooo charming when I just decided to forget about him?
Tonite I went to the mosque and did tarawih pray. X's mom and some other women asked me to chat with them. X's mom was like: "what do u want? I believe X can help u with that..." I felt sooo funny.
anyway, they're doing some books sale in the mosque, so I took a look around the book. Tonite, I saw X after the prayer. I said that there's one book that I like, but it's so expensive. guess what X said to me? "I know, u mean that 'A' book, isn't it?" And it's true, I really like that 'A' book. I believe that it's a really interesting book. and X actually KNOWS that I like that book, even before I MENTION THE TITLE!!! it's crazy! he absolutely KNOWS me that much!
The other time, X's mom asked me where I wanna go for university and what I wanna take as my major... I said that I'm not sure. I said that if I have three chance to choose, I'm only sure about my third choice, which is... "Psychology in University of Indonesia" said X at that time, RIGHT AWAY. and he smiled away.
He just left me with the big question: "How come he knows about me?"
After tonite, I can't wait for tomorrow. I definitely need to talk to my friend about this. He scares me. Do I have what I want written on my forehead???
plus, he wore a t-shirt that I gave for him!!! hahaha! (OMFG, whatthehellisgoingonwithme??? or whatthehellisgoingonwiththisboy???)
Boys are unbelievable!

Monday, October 10, 2005

Hahaha! pengen mulis pake bahasa Indonesia lagi... soalnya pengen curhat beneran....
hari pertama tarawehan lagi di mesjid!!! setelah sekian lama aku gak taraweh berjamaah... akhirnya, alhamdulillah hari ini kesampean juga... seneng banget... beneran deh... bukannya mo sok alim ato apa... tapi suasananya beda aja... walopun panasnya tak tertahankan juga, yah di tahan2in aja deh... Smile
hahaha! belum lagi skarang dah bisa masukin smileys... senang!!!
tapi, jadi mikir juga klo ngeliat orang2 taraweh... hmm... anak2 sih sebenernya... kalo di mesjid tuh, banyaaaaakkk banget anak2 yg tarawehnya sebenernya gak taraweh... bingung ya? maksudnya gini: anak2 tuh pd dtg ke mesjid bwt shalat Isya, dengerin dan nulis(ato nyontek ceramah), trus abis itu nongkrong d di mesjid. g ikutan shalat tarawehnya. malah ngobrol ato bikin ribut juga biasanya... skali lagi, bukannya aku pengen sok alim ato apa... tapi, bener2 deh... anak2 itu kalo g disuruh nulis ceramah, pasti gak dtg ke mesjid deh...
tapi, kalo diliat dari sisi posotifnya, bagus jg sih... buat latian anak2 gt... aku juga waktu sd kecil2 juga kyk gt sih... untungnya, setelah aku mulai gede aku mulai ngerti...
alhamdulillahnya lagi, karena aku ngerti, aku bisa ngejelasin ke adek aku byar dya ikutan taraweh... awalnya sih, waktu adekku msh kecillll banget, dya juga kyk gt. malah, dtg ke mesjid bwt tidur.
Pas adekku klas empat-limaan, aku ngasi tau dya... kita tuh dtg ke mesjid di bln ramadha tujuannya bwt taraweh... taraweh itu, rakaat minimalnya 8 ditambah 3 rakaat shalat witir... pas adekku males, aku bilang aja: "dek, rakaat shalat taraweh itu minimalnya segini... kalo kita gak bisa ngejalanin yg minimalnya, gmn mo ngejalanin yg lbh dr minimal?"
sok filsuf ya? tapi gak sok alim loh... dibilangin aku cuma pengen curhat aja...
jadi, ya... cuma mo bilang aja... taraweh tuh rame ya... smoga orang2 dan aku juga, tambah rajin tarawehnya...
p.s. bwt nana, klo pas lg baca: maaf, g bisa ngebantuin pk bhs inggris... soalnya lg pgn curhat bgt euy... lg seneng bgt soalnya...
t'akhir... Hello

Sunday, October 09, 2005

It's the bilingual edition! hahaha! Edisi dua bahasa nih... = Indo...(Eng...)
Cuma mo bilang makasih buat temen2 yg dah nyempetin bwt ngunjungin blogku... (I just wanna say thanks for my friends that had a time to visit my blog...), Walaupun kalian blum nulis komen...(Eventough u haven't post any comment...)
Pokoknya klo kapan2 maen2 lagi ke bloggerku...(well, if u have another chance to visit my blog again next time...) Aku bakalan seneng banget d... (I really appreciate it...) apalagi klo kalian kasih komen ttg tulisan2ku...(if u post a comments, I'm gonna b happier about that...)
Makasih ya... (Thanks a bunch....)
My mom reminds me about something...
If it comes to time to eat out, my family usually confuse which place to go. It takes so much time to think about it. 'Should we go to this cafe? but that restaurant just opened yesterday... so, where should we go?'
and my mom usually does something. So we drive past one new place to eat, if there are many people in that place, my mom will say that the place's foods must be delicious. But if there's not so many people in that place, my mom will say that the food must be bad...
so, in my mom's opinion good place to eat is when there are good number of people eat there.
typical, isn't it?
y'know, when people think a better thing cost more expensive. So when it's good, it's gonna b more expensive.
Well, it turns out that my mom's philosophy about a good place to eat isn't always true.
There's this (well, lemme just say d'products, without saying the brand) one food kiosk that sells satay. many-MANY-people go there, they grill loads of meat at once, and all these kinds of cars park around it. It's soooo famous among people too. So, my family and I went there, bought some satay for take out. When we got home, we were so excited to eat them. guess what it turned out? It didn't taste good. My family didn't like it. at all. we never go back to buy those satay anymore. ever!
see? many people in one restaurant doesn't proof that the restaurant has delicious foods.
the thing is, what many people think isn't always right... what's typical can't always b true forever... we kinda have to have a will to try new things... and being brave... and willing to pick and choose what's the best for us, now...
hahaha! I'm not sure if I write a right thing... or if there's a parallel meaning in it... or if other people will understand what I just wrote... I don't know...
and hell... screw people! I just write I wanna write...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

There's this-well, kinda-new phenomenon in Indonesia (again?)...
People make these Indonesian movies. They're good. Well, they're not as good as the Hollywood's ones, coz they can't really afford this special effect thingy and stuff... but they're still good. They have this original idea and these typical Indonesian's problems and all that... When those movie people made their first movie (well, it's kinda first Indonesian movie after all these years), it was soooo famous. Many people went to the cinema to watch it, there were very-very long lines in every cinema which played that movie. So, all those movie goers weren't satisfy (well, as we knew it before-together-people are never feel satisfy with what they got) with the movie. No offense, the movie was all good and stuff. but the viewers wanted more. a whole lot more!
They want to know what's gonna happen with all the characters and the story... so, the producer decided to create a soap opera that continue the story from the movie.
When one movie did this, I was still kinda excited. honestly, I wanted to know what's the story gonna be like in the soap opera. But I was disapointed. The soap opera was too long, waaaayyy too long. It made me feel so bored!
And then not only one movie did this, almost all other movie do-or wanna do-the same thing. well, people... isn't anybody gonna feel sick about this? I mean, please!!!!
I always think that every movie secuel are bad. In my opinion, secuel is just one of those capitals' way to have more money and that's it! it's just for the sake of the money, not for the sake of the story...
but no, in Indonesia, we have our whole own way to do that. We create soap opera from the story of a movie. I mean, isn't that obvious? those freakin' capitals just want those freakin' money... u can kinda believe in me that the quality of the story in that soap opera is decreasing!
hell, I'm not done yet! see, the funny thing is, the other way around is also happening in here. they made movie from the soap opera... hahaha! how can u do that? In my opinion-again-the whole soap opera's story is just a huge joke! there's like nothing in it.
well, I don't know... I guess everyone has her/his own way to make some money to live in... but, don't we familiar with the word "enough"?
hell, this is freakin' life-I guess...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I was just wondering about something...
There's this one band in Indonesia that called themselves Peter Pan. They are soooo famous. Everybody seems to know their songs and can sing it too. They're kinda a new band... They've been famous since 4 years ago bcoz of their first single. Since then, their songs are being played everywhere by everyone. And it seems like everyone want to sing a long whenever Peter Pan's song is being played.
as for me (this is personal, really, honestly) I don't really like their songs. well, I don't like the band's personels either, but I don't even try to look at them, so I guess don't bother, and it's not like a very important thing to do. hmmm... I actually kinda like their first single that brought them into being a celebrities. but, the thing is, everyone played their songs. It's just like everywhere. I'm just really sick of that song becoz of that.
I mean, their songs are really EVERYWHERE, on tv, on the radio, in the mall, in every counter in the shopping center, It's just fuckin' EVERYWHERE!
And then I get sick of it, but it seems like no one agree with me. it's like NO ONE! everyone still plays their songs. Every tv channel, every radio station, every mall, EVERYWHERE!
So I start wondering. What the heck did this band do to people? what did they do to have that huge influence on people?
it's absolutely not the band member. coz they're screwed! The frontman has a baby with many girls(how proudcan u b when u have that kinda situation?), the other band member aren't good-looking enough to deserve a scream from fans(and really, they don't have technic in playing an instrument!!!). is it their songs? their music? but in my opinion, their songs and music are nothing. big zero. There's like nothing special in it.
probably becoz their songs are catchy... Once u hear it, it's just gonna stuck on ur mind and u can't do anything. But the important thing is, is a catchy thing always good?
Well, if Peter Pan's songs are catchy, u don't need to play it over and over again, right?
so what the heck that make this band fuckin' huge? I pray so that many people who influenced by this band recover soon. Coz it's crazy! u can't go anywhere without hearing at least one of their song in the public area...
Hei, guess what? Nothing can stay forever... really...
Seems like many people knows about that, it's just many of us don't realize it. Or just refuse to realize it, coz something that last forever seems just too good to be true.
I just went to the hairdresser yesterday and got my hair done... My hair looked good... yesterday... today? don't even think about it!
well, it still look good... considering my hair never look good on daily basis, coz it's so dry and I just don't care about it... my hair still look good today. But it's just not as good as yesterday. It's sooo not as good as yesterday...
If something can last forever, my hair will look good forever after one visit to the hairdresser. I don't even have to think about it anymore... but then, there's no more hairdresser in this world if everyone's hair is gonna look good forever.
The other case, I just finished reading a very interesting novel (Boy Meets Girl by Meg Cabbot), it's such a fun novel to read. I was kinda sad that I finally finished reading it. It was fun and if there's such thing as 'something can stay forever, or last forever', I'm gonna continue to read, and read, and read more, forever.
But then, It's gonna b boring. I'm gonna be bored! And I'm gonna keep on reading one book. forever! I'm not gonna change to read another book and I'm never gonna know new things and I'm gonna be stupid FOREVER! can u imagine that?!
And please, get real... If there's a book that can b read forever, it's gonna b so freakin' long and thick. And no one's gonna buy it. And... believe me, no writer can write a book that last forever. if there's such thing like that, one writer only write one book until the day he/she dies. crazy!!!
See, the thing is... there's this one kinda pond in some part of Indonesia that provide water which can make ur face look forever young. whaddaya think? hahaha! I could only laugh. I mean, what the hell? It says in the pond (and the tour guide will actually mention it to u whenever u go there) that u have 2 wash ur face several times and u'll never get any wrinkles on ur face as long as u live. Can u believe that?
The result is, many people actually wash their faces there. Either they believe in that pond (or the magic inside it-I guess) or they think that they might as well do it, for what is worth, coz they finally get there and nothing to lose, really, u just have 2 wash ur face.
The scary things that happen nowadays are people are trying to have something that last forever. people say it's all for goodness of human being. I say it's all nonsense and impossible. I mean, God create nothing eternal in this world, why the heck people want to create the opposite thing? I say, it's just going again some pure destiny.
For example, many women that are getting old have their faces lifted so that they won't have any wrinkles. come on women, it's natural that u get wrinkles when u grow older...
So, why don't people just try to appreciate what they get? There are loads of thing we have now to think about, why do we have to think how to make a-never-rotten-apple?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Bulan Ramadhan...
Alhamdulillah dah nyampe bulan Ramadhan lagi... Aku gak pernah nyangka loh aku bakalan sekangen ini ama ulan Ramadhan... Bulan Ramadhan yang penuh berkah...
Jadi inget taun lalu aku ber-bulan Ramadhan-an di negeri orang... di Canada... aku inget taun lalu pas aku lagi puasa ato shaum ato fasting ato whatever u usually call it, ada yg nawarin aku popcorn twist... popcorn tiwst tuh kyk snack2nya anak2 gitu deh... aku bilang gak mau dan si cewek baek yg nawarin popcorn twist itu blg ke aku: "ohh come one... don't be shy... take a handfull... they're sooo good... I got another bag in my locker..." aku masih inget banget klo waktu itu setan dlm diri aku bikin aku sempet mikir: "hell, I'm in freakin' Canada! Do I really have to fast?" alhamdulillah ada sisi baik dari diri aku yg ingetin: "Of course I do! Masa aku cuma mau batal gara2 a freakin' handfull of popcorn twist? Penyesalannya bisa bertaun2 gila!!!"
Alhamdulillah, jadinya aku gak batal deh... jadinya aku puasa sebulan penuh... karena alhamdulilah juga aku selama 2 taun kmaren gak batal gara2 mens... jadi dah dua taun aku puasaku full sebulan terus... pengennya sih terus2an kyk gitu... pasti asik...
kayaknya, slama beberapa taun terakhir ini, aku alhamdulillah sllalu mendapat sesuatu dari bulan Ramadhan... Ramadhan tiga tahun yang lalu, aku punya pacar... eh, pas lebaran aku putusin pacarku... gimana Ramadhannya gak hikmah banget tuh... hehehe!
Ramadhan dua tahun yang lalu juga asik... soalnya aku ngrasa Ramadhan taun sebelumnya aku gak pol-pol-an banget, gara2 masih pacaran itu...
Ramadhan taun lalu... adalah ramadhan yg paling funky seumur hidupku... taun pertama aku tinggal jauuuuuuuuuuuh banget dari ortu. taun pertaman aku lebaran tanpa ortu... taun pertama aku puasa dan learan dinegeri orang lain. It was the worst Idul Fitri but yet the most valuable experience I've ever had!
Ramadhan taun2 sebelum tiga tahun yg lalu juga nyenengin... cuma waktu itu aku masih anak2... jadi gak terasa menantang gitu... klo skarang, aku dah dewasa, dah gede, dah makin banyak aja godaan.... jadi kerasa banget tantangannya di ramadhan2 yg skr ini...
well, Hope I get it thru the end of Ramadhan and experience once again an Indonesia's traditional Idul Fitri...
Smoga amal ibadah slama bulan Ramadah di terima ama Allah SWT... amin!

Monday, October 03, 2005

cuma lagi kepengen nulis pake Bahasa Indonesia... pengen nunjukin kalo aku bangga jadi anak Indonesia, sekaligus juga malu...
Hmm... kayaknya, setiap taun di Indonesia selalu aja ada bom meledak yang bikin heboh....
Bomb Bali I, bom di kedutaan US lah, bom dikedutaan Australia lah, dan yang paling fresh bom Bali II.
Mungkin udah banyak yang bilang klo bom bali II itu kerjaan orang2 yang gak bertanggung jawab, yang kurang ajar, dll...
Aku juga mo nambahin ah... biar orang2 yang mencaci maki para pelaku tambah banyak... hehehe!
Kalo kata mamaku, orang2 yg ngeledakin bom di bali itu kurang ajar. Mereka kayaknya frustrasi banget. Habis ngeledakin bom, banyak yang mati, trus udah aja, gak ada tanggung jawab sama skali.
Kalo kata supirku, orang2 yg ngeledakin bom di Bali itu stres kali gara2 harga bbm naek. Mereka pengen nunjukin rasa protes mreka dgn cara ngeledakin bom dan ngebunuh berpuluh2 org.
Klo kata aku, orang2 yg ngeledakin bom di bali itu bisa digambarin sama satu kata: NORAK! apapun alasan mereka buat ngeledakin bom di bali, udah pasti gak masuk akal, udah pasti NORAK! Mereka pasti gak mikir dulu sebelum ngeledakin bom, dan orang2 yg gak mikir itu menurut aku orang2 gila, kalopun mereka waras, brarti mereka NORAK! Mereka pasti punya banyak masalah dalam hidupnya. Tapi, dasar orang2 yg NORAK, mereka mau aja nyerah ama masalah. pengen bunuh diri, pake ngajak2 orang yg gak bersalah...NORAKnya... mereka sama sekali gak nyadar bahwa dlm hidup itu gak sah klo gak ada masalah, saking NORAKnya, mereka mau aja diperbudak masalah.
Sebagai orang Indonesia, aku malu loh... (I fuckin' wonder why...) aku punya temen yang berasal dari 5 benua di dunia. Aku pernah tinggal selama setaun di Kanada. Temen2ku yang bukan orang Indonesia, jujur aja, gak pada tau Indonesia itu ada dimana awalnya. Pas aku bilang klo Indonesia itu dkt Australia, mereka baru ada bayangan. Dari situ aja aku malu...
Where the hell Indonesia has been for 60 fuckin' years of establishment? Emangnya Indonesia tuh masih muda banget ya sampe2 orang2 luar negeri gak pada tau Indonesia itu dmn? Emang sih Indonesia itu maju secara perlahan, tapi, klo pelan2 mulu sampe kpn negara lain bakal kekejar dan Indonesia bakal terkenal??? (I fuckin' wonder...)
Yang lucunya, kebanyakan orang luar negeri itu gak tau dmn Indonesia tapi tau Bali. agak bangga dikit lah... alhamdulillah, Bali udah berhasil banget go internasionalnya... tapi dengan dua kejadian bom yang meledak di Bali, ketenaran Bali bikin aku mikir. Orang2 luar negeri itu jadi tau Bali karena Bali emang Indah ato krn Bali tuh sering kena bom?
Aku jadi makin yakin klo org2 yg ngeledakin bom di Bali itu NORAK. sekarang sih aku lagi berdoa aja supaya yg ngeom itu sebenernya bukan org Indonesia, bukan berkewarganegaraan Indonesia, bukan ngaku2 sbage bangsa Indonesia. Kalo iya... waduh malunya sepanjang masa.
I mean, don't they fuckin' see how bad Indonesia is? How we all try to survive in this world? Udah mah Indonesia teh ancur lebur, kotornya gak ada dua, rakyat gak pernah percaya ama pemerintah, pemerintah gak ada yang bisa dipercaya, masih pengen aja ngeliat Indonesia makin ancur... mau sebobrok apa sih Indonesia ini dibikin? mau dibikin semalu apa sih bangsa Indonesia kita ini?
Well, the last thing I can do is pray. Berdoa biar orang2 Indonesia tuh dikasih rasa nasionalisme yang lebih tinggi ama Allah. Berdoa biar bangsa Indonesia gak dikasih cobaan malu melulu ama Allah. Berdoa biar orang2 lain yang berniat ngancurin orang lain dengan cara NORAK dikasih kesadaran ama Allah. Berdoa biar kita semua bisa survive dikehidupan ini. Berdoa biar kita semua kuat menghadapi cobaan. Berdoa biar kita semua selamat. Berdoa biar aku bisa sabar dalam hidup dan gak ikut-ikutan jadi NORAK.
hmph.... aku turut berbelasungkawa ya atas kesedihan yg terjadi... For my friends all over the world: sorry, Indonesia is not a good enough country, and the fuckin' terrorists just seem to love it here...

Friday, September 30, 2005

hmmm... I got another problem about people...
I just realised that most of the people in the world never satisfy with all they've got, myself included.
One simple example is at school...
I think it's really hard to get a good mark at school. but still, there are some people that have talent to have good marks. When they got 8,5 or 85%, they still feel that it's not enough. They said they got a bad mark, eventhough other people can hardly pass with 5 or 50%. I'm not sure what is these kinds of people's intentions. I mean, to get 8.5 oor 85% is great. It's hard to be that good in school and when u got into that point, why don't u just say thank God? why don't u just feel satisfy with urself and all u've got?
or another example in me...
I never felt that I have enough t-shirt to wear. I always have a feeling that I always wear the same clothes everyday. I feel that my clothes are boring... I always wanna buy new clothes. I never feel satisfy with my clothes. It's crazy coz: 1. I don't earn my own money, it means I always wanna spend my parents money and 2. I really have to learn how to feel satisfy with what I got.
U guys must've known this saying: "ask God for what u need, not for what u want" or sumthin like that. I mean, that saying is pretty much only the theory, it's hard to practice it.
Learn how to satisfy with all I've got, learn how to thank God with everything that God gave me, learn and learn... It seems like I have loads of homework to do...
I thought I knew all about it before. I thought I understand that there are several kinds of people in this world. That's just what I thought.
There are so many proof that show characters from different kinds of people is the most unbelievable thing to be search about, to be learn about.
for example the thing about this increasing price of gas(or petro, or whatever u usually call it). This thing drives everyone crazy!
People do demonstration; they refuse that increasing price. I mean, wake up people! what- freakin'-ever u'd do, it's gonna change nothing! the government just won't listen to u. they have their power, and that's what they'll do. we basically can't change anything.
I think the only thing we can do is work harder and harder. If we all work really-really hard (I mean really hard), Indonesia is gonna b a successful country. Come on, we got all the nature sources! We have the most beautiful country in the world!if we work hard, we don't need all those money from the government. we are the ones who give money to our country, with lots of proud-of course.
The thing with people is today situation. I don't know why, but it seems like many people like to do useless thing. that demonstration thingy is the most useless thing that people have ever done-in my opinion. One more thing is, there is this one person that say our president(SBY) is no longer gonna keep his chair as a president, becoz he decided to increase the price of gas twice in one year. I mean, come on people! we all know that SBY won the vote as a president last year. It means that most people in Indonesia choose him. Which means that most people in Indonesia believe him, have faith in him. And now, whe he's trying to do his jobs, what does he get? only a freakin' mock!!!
see that one useless thing? If many people say that SBY is no longer gonna b a president, why did they vote? that's just make voting as one of that useless thing, isn't?
Also, if there's no one who's gonna stay as a president for more than a year, how can we all become a sucessful country? it's like never!!!
people? amit-amit!!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

This thing makes me fuckin' angry!
is there any such thing as age disrimination?!
I mean, honestly I hate being 18. It's hard! especially when u're 18 and still in highschool. ooohhh!!! I hate the fact that I'm fuckin' 18 now!
The thing is, there's this writing competition that I wanna join in, but the range of age is between 13-17-year-old. see how sucks that is?
Where the hell have I been when I was between the age of 13-17?
I know that I am fuckin' 18 now. I am an adult legally... but my spirit, mentally, I'm not ready being judge as a 18-year-old girl.
I hate it! so, I'm 18, so what?
how come I can't join that writing competition?
How come it's not appropriate to love cartun sooo much?
How come I have to think about all of my future right now?
How come I have to make a decision about life now?
Do I really-really have to face this fuckin' life by myself?
Do I really-really have to protect my image and become the goody-goody?
It's tiring! believe me!
wish I could've done everything I want without concerning about what other people think... It must've been heaven!

Monday, September 26, 2005

do u have parents that have high expectation?
but yet they extremly trust you so that it makes u confuse about what to do?
I mean... they expect u to do something and be the best at it, but yet they don't actually know what u're facing so they give it all 2 u, until the result comes and u don't actually become the best and they upset about it...
well, I guess I make it all more confusing.
The thing is, my dad trust me so bad.(I mean it's not bad to trust me, but he really-really trust me) In his mind, he believes that I can do many great things. So, he made a really high expectation about me. Which is kinda bad I think. The reasons are: first, i don't think he knows my ability, he just expect me to be able to do something. second, he sometimes doesn't ask what I think. He just told me what he thinks best for me, without asking me whether I like those things or not. third, his expectation makes me work hard(which is really good) but yet makes me feel that I HAVE to do it. It makes me feel that he forces me to do it(which I think is bad coz it makes me feel guilty if I fail to do it)
these things, makes me try so hard to make him proud of me. It's just he really is confident that I can do something, but I just don't have that much confident in me.
I know this is my life and I'm the one who's gonna get thru this and everything... but still, my parents are everything. They're my teachers, my friends, they're the people who I come running into if I have problems about everything. They're everything, they're basically my life too.
but hell, what do I do? do I have to follow their expectation until the last drip of my blood? I mean, I probably can do it, it's just I don't have that much self-confident in me, so it makes me affraid to fail. Do I just do what I want, no matter what my parents say? It's crazy though, I'm just so used to be a good girl and listen to what my parents said.
well, I guess that's what life is about. it's a bout choosing what's best for you. it's about deciding what u think d'best for urself. It's hard, but I guess that's the way life goes, that's where the excitement come from...

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Ya ampun... akhirnya aku punya blogger juga...
smoga dengan aku punya blogger, aku bisa jadi tambah senang. tempat curhatannya nambah soalnya...
Insyaallah nanti-nantinya aku gak cuma nulis curhatan doang, tapi juga opini....
buat yang mo ngebaca, selamat baca... jangan lupa kasih komen, ok?

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Sometimes I like to think about it...
centralization(is that word really exist?) sucks so bad!
I mean, I do feel it in here, in Indonesia. If there's somethin goin on, Jakarta must get it first. For example, everytime there's a new movie comes out, Jakarta always get it first. After that movie's being played for like a month in Jakarta, then they send it to Bandung. Which means people in Bandung are a month late than people in Jakarta.
Guess what's the funny thing? people in Jakarta wonder why people in another area in Indonesia are kinda late in almost everything than themselves. They even sometimes make fun of people from another area.
This centralization drives me crazy. I think it's extremely unfair. People in Jakarta always got the latest news first, the newest thing first, and the most modern system first. Another example is the freakin' internet connection. People in Jakarta are happily using that wireless internet connection that doesn't use the phoneline, so you can phone your friend while you're browsing in the internet.
We don't have that in Bandung! many people don't even know that thing exist! Well, we actually have that wirless internet connection in Bandung, but only if ur home is located in a certain point in the city. see? that centralization thing again!!! Why do u have to live in a certain part of city to get the same service? how come the service doesn't cover the whole city? what's so special about living in a special part of the city? It's true that you get closer to the city center, so what? It's true that people pay certain higher number of tax(es) to live in some part of city, so what?
Why do we have to believe in centralism? there are so many disadvantages about it! Look at Indonesia, the government is concentrating in building Java island or even Jakarta for so long. The truth is: people in another area are being left out and forgotten.
guess what I've read once? If Indonesia's enemy wants to destroy Indonesia, They just have to bomb few places in Jakarta and (insyaallah) Indonesia will be forgotten forever.
see? centralization's sucks!!!